all together now - Wednesday

When we chose Kauai for our wedding, we wanted more than just a destination wedding. We wanted to honour and include the cultural traditions of the island.

We looked for a minister who would be able to create with us a sacred, authentic ceremony that also reflected our romance. As with many elements of our wedding, our first choice didn’t work out.

Neither did our second.

Then we connected with Kelvin Ho. And, as with many elements of our wedding, the search and the journey brought us to the exactly right choice.

We had a multi-step email conversation with Kelvin, getting to know each other. Our wedding contact at the Hyatt had sent us a ceremony of his, which included a Hawaiian water sharing ritual.

This ritual involves opening a coconut, giving the milk to each other to drink, and pouring some on the ground with ceremonial intention.

Uh oh.

Ed detests coconut, in all forms. He would have been tempted to pour it all on the ground. And I didn’t want my first act as his wife to be feeding him something that he thinks is truly vile. We feed each other in so many wonderful ways – we want that to continue to be a good thing.

We explained our problem and asked Kelvin if he had another ritual that could be part of our wedding ceremony; what he came up with was perfect for us (more on that later). As for the rest of the ceremony, we trusted that it would be right. To help him create the prelude to our vows, he asked us to share a brief bio of our love story.

Brief. Hmmm…

As you might guess by now, I was challenged by “brief”. What I sent him was probably longer than he expected, and still it felt like “just the facts ma’am”. I hoped the tenderness and passion of our romance would come through anyway. Kelvin’s response assured us that he understood, that he sees how we are together.

And all this even before meeting us.



Shortly before arriving on island, we made a request. We wanted to meet Kelvin before the ceremony. This seemed to be unusual – for most destination weddings, the ministers just show up, conduct the ceremony, and then be on their way. We didn’t want to be shaking hands with our minister at the top of the aisle. If we were getting married at home, we would have met the officiant beforehand, and we wanted that in Kauai also.

So Kelvin agreed to meet with us. Wednesday morning, we had breakfast together at Joe’s on the Green , a casual open air restaurant at a nearby Poipu golf course. It was more relaxed than the Hyatt, and we enjoyed misty morning views of the nearby ridges while we chatted.

We learned that Kelvin is involved in cultural teachings and working with youth to maintain connection to their cultural heritage. He works on conservation projects around the islands to protect the heritage and integrity of the island ecosystems, and mentors young people to connect them to traditions and give them ownership of their island home. He had just returned from a hiking/kayaking trip along the Na Pali Coast, a trip that Ed and I want to do when we have a longer block of time to be on the island.


Kelvin learned about our families, and how important it was to us to share our wedding with them. We told him of Ed’s parents, and my Nana and Pop, and how we wanted our ceremony to include them, even without their physical presence. Kelvin asked us about Kristina, and saw how we were already a family, caring for and supporting each other.

We left that breakfast knowing we were going to have a much more personal experience with our minister, feeling connected to a real person – a person we like and respect, someone we admire and welcome as part of our sacred ceremony.

Just two more days!


We spent much of the rest of Wednesday relaxing by the pool. We felt well settled into the island by then, and we were looking forward to most everyone arriving by that evening. Throughout the day we would wonder aloud where our guests were at just that moment. Kristina was ready to be in the sun again after hiding with her burn for a few days and she enjoyed an afternoon of water volleyball.

We had an early dinner at Keoki’s Paradise in Poipu. We had read about it in the guide book, and while the book is right – it is kind of tacky – it’s also fun, and we liked it. The menu is very limited, which actually makes it pretty easy to order: steak or fish. If steak, how big? And if fish, what kind? They do make an outstanding passion fruit margarita (said the tequila girl in me) and when you sit by the stream and waterfall with the bamboo garden screen, you hardly notice the road that’s just ten feet away.

Then it was time to head back to the hotel, do a quick tidy on our suite, set out drinks, and be ready to welcome our guests. As we pulled up to the valet, we saw that David and Raynn-Beau had just arrived also. A quick hug, and then we were on our way, hoping to be at our suite before any one else arrived. We had beer and wine, sodas, juice and water. We didn’t plan food. And we said this in our email invitation.

Huh? No food?

There were those who didn’t believe it; when David suggested that he and Raynn-Beau grab a bite to eat first, Raynn-Beau said, “But it’s Bridget, Dad, of course there will be food”. And she’s right, in the sense that food is a huge part of my life: when I/we host a gathering, food is central to the event, often the rallying force to bring people together. And it is a great joy to feed people, for feeding bodies usually involves feeding hearts.

David’s response: “Yeah, but she’s at a hotel – she doesn’t have a kitchen, and she’s getting married in two days. This is not the time for her to play full-on hostess.” Or words to that effect. And he was right also.

We weren’t at home. And even though we had the suite, we were not set up to prepare, store, and serve food, and we didn’t much want to clean up afterward. I suppose we could have ordered in, but we had no idea where everyone would be in their travel schedules and food needs, and really, we didn’t want a big production. We weren’t even sure who would show up, as we had only a couple of replies to our invite.

The weeks and months leading up to the wedding were a strain – my shoulder injury limited me much more than I liked to admit, taking energy that I would have preferred to put into more social and creative endeavours. Being realistic meant limiting my commitments. So, that meant keeping it simple. No food.

We simply wanted to see and welcome folks who had arrived on island for this time. We wanted to begin celebrating with them. We wanted to hold them and share our joy.

And that we did.


The hugs and smiles were abundant – it was hot-and-cold-running people for a while. Catherine and Graham left to retrieve Elizabeth and Mum from the airport; Judy and Aaron went to collect Sarah and Kirk. Tina and Robert had hiked Waimea all day and were barely vertical. David had stories to share. We finally got to visit with everyone, even if briefly, and then they were off to settle for the evening.

It was amazing to see and feel the loving energy from folks who had traveled such a long way to be with us on our day. We are indeed blessed in our circle of friends and family.

Family faces are magic mirrors – looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and the future. ~Gail Buckley

not the short version

This is not even the whole story.

For those of you who weren’t there, the next few posts will give you an idea of our wedding. For our wedding guests, you already know some or even much of this – other parts of it may be new to you. For all, we hope you enjoy our story, and the pictures that go with it.

When we first talked about getting married, we agreed that we wanted something small and intimate for our wedding. We wanted time to visit and talk with our guests and each other, time to breathe, to take in the day. With awareness that a wedding – like most rituals – celebrates something at once both mundane and magnificent, we wanted to be fully present for the experience.

So, as posted earlier, we chose to get married in Kauai, a place of great significance to both of us. Our first holiday together was here, and we keep coming back. With each visit, we discover something new to appreciate about the island – here we feel a deep sense of peace and homecoming, to the place, to ourselves, to each other.

Ed had attended Barry and Joan’s wedding in Mexico, and liked the relaxed pace of a longer celebration. It is the nature of a destination wedding: time to catch up for friends and family, time to get to know one another for the guests, time to relax, swim, and play for the bride and groom.

Ed likes to tell the story of how Joan was still in the hot tub an hour before their ceremony. (Joan has yet to confirm that.) I knew I would want more getting-ready time than that, but still, that’s the flavour we were looking for.

Before the guests arrived:

Our wedding actually starts well before the ceremony on Friday. We arrived on island the Saturday evening before, after months of preparation, mountains of email, a gazillion decisions made, and 14 hours of traveling. Here finally.

We heaved a great collective sigh of relief. Our luggage had all arrived with us. The dress had been shipped out on Tuesday and arrived before we did. Check. The tux was waiting in Lihue. The rings were in a small blue pouch in Ed’s pocket. Check. My brother and niece were already on island and our friends and other family would start arriving on Monday, with nearly everyone there by Wednesday evening.

Sunday saw us at the Ilima Terrace for a buffet breakfast – such variety of food in the open-air terrace, the bold birds flitting about, and the staff greeting us warmly. During our stay in December, the staff at the Hyatt greeted me as Mrs. Gausman at every opportunity. Even though it wasn’t quite true yet, I found myself sitting taller, proud of the association, feeling the anticipation of it being real. When we were seated that Sunday morning, they did it again. It’s almost true!


We spent the day relaxing by the pool, with Kristina discovering the volleyball net in the water and the spa tub on the island in the middle of the lower pool. Oh, how I wish now that I had taken more pictures in Kauai – my shoulder was too sore then, and after months of physical therapy, I needed to relax and rest – getting out the camera didn’t work.

Fortunately, Kristina did have her camera out, and the pictures in this post are all hers. Sunday was also the day Kristina realized that her parents know what they are talking about when they say the tropical sun is different than the Pacific Northwest sun. Ouch.

Monday was another slow day, with Kristina recovering from her burn by hiding indoors. Because we were holding our wedding at the Hyatt and had booked a block of rooms, they upgraded our room to a suite, with Kristina’s room connecting. The suite was something we definitely appreciated when it came time for getting ready.

With the extra space, we decided that a welcome get-together would be just the thing. After sending out an email invite to our guests, we went into Lihue for supplies – and of course, for lunch at Puka Dog in Poipu

Monday was also Ed’s tux fitting, but he wouldn’t allow me to accompany him, saying with a grin, “You won’t let me see the dress, you can’t see the tux.”

On Tuesday, we met with Kasey, our wedding contact at the Hyatt. She greeted us warmly, invited us into her office, and promptly handed us the weather report showing the track of Hurricane Cosme… (beat)… on its way to the Hawaiian islands… (beat)… okay. Total surrender here. I mean, really, what can you say to that?

We selected Poipu, rather than our preferred North Shore, for the more reliable weather with almost no likelihood of rain in summer. Still, we always knew that weather was a possibility. In our first few days on island, we had seen an unusual amount of rain and high winds, much of it in the evening, so we were already inclined to change from our planned beachfront garden reception to a reception dinner on the Ilima Terrace.

Changing to our indoor backup did not feel at all like a hardship. The choice of the Hyatt as our wedding venue was guided in part by the indoor option. There were many lovely venues around the island – gardens, beaches, estates – where we might have held our wedding. However, the indoor backup for most of those would have been an ugly white plastic tent or a shed - that wasn't our idea of achingly gorgeous. We figured that if we were going to end up in a tent, then it didn’t really matter how lovely our surroundings were.

The Ilima Terrace is a wonderful space in its own right: follow a stairway with a landing turning down into an open air space with more than 30 ft ceilings and carved wooden doors nearly that high – doors that could be closed in extreme weather, but would likely stay open for us. Those doors open onto a pond fed by a waterfall, filled with koi, home to a pair of mated white swans, surrounded by beautiful gardens. The terrace is wonderfully decorated, has a floor that the ladies’ heels wouldn’t sink into, and the bathrooms don’t involve a trek in the dark. We didn’t mind switching at all.

After that meeting, we were back to Lihue for our marriage license and to pick up Ed’s tuxedo. The marriage license couldn’t have been easier – we had an appointment, and we were under 15 minutes from leaving the car to driving away again. It’s getting more real all the time!


After the errands were done, we picked up Kristina and headed out to Waimea Canyon on the west shore. We stopped at the black sand beach - where the Waimea River flows into the Pacific, bringing tons of red dirt with it - and at Jo-Jo’s for shave ice. We were glad we didn’t hold out for Wishing Well Shave Ice, as they were closed the following Saturday when we were in Hanalei, and we had built up big expectations for Kristina. Jo-Jo’s is a good stop either before or after the canyon, depending on what meal you are closest to.


We were glad to get back to the red dirt canyon we love, and to experience again the majesty of Kalalau Valley. After the trip to the Grand Canyon with Kristina in April, we weren't sure if she would be taken with Waimea or find it ho hum because of the smaller scale. We were delighted to see that she enjoyed this place as much as we did. (She especially liked the feral chickens roaming the island, and the nene.)


At the top, we took in Kalalau, while people came and went. We stood at the rail, we sat on the ground below the gated area, we walked briefly along the rim. We didn’t go prepared for a hike this time, although on a previous trip we hiked the ridge you see behind us and into the rainforest bog that covers the mountain top. The soft red dirt amazed us all over again.


The air is so pure and clean up there, you can see to the horizon, and not be sure where the sea stops and the sky begins. Breathing is an entirely new experience in such a place: clear, fresh, truly life-giving. We let all of our cares and worries dissolve in the breeze. No pictures have ever done the place justice – it is much bigger than the lens. Kristina did a great job, but these are only an idea, a fraction of the sight.


The trip back down the canyon is windy and close. Kristina was feeling quite green by the time we reached the bottom - the canyon is ten miles long, the road is twenty miles of curves. See the red dirt all over the road - it's in EVERYthing once you've been there.

At the bottom, we spilled out of the car onto the beach right there at the main road. Kristina flirted with the waves, getting wet, naturally, and we watched crabs dive in and out of their holes as the waves advanced up the shore. We had our first meal – but surely not our last – at Waimea Brewing Company. We were quite taken with the place – easy and relaxed, reasonable prices, great atmosphere, simple, wonderful food – just what we needed.

The restaurant/brewery shares a site with the Waimea Plantation Cottages. We walked out to the Banyan tree, and imagined our wedding there with the aisle of coconut palms. We had considered that as a site for our wedding when we were there in December, with everyone having their own cottages – but there was no good indoor backup, no AC in the cottages (and it is beastly hot there in July), and Waimea is a LONG drive from anywhere else on the island. Maybe we’ll do a family reunion there some time?

Back that evening to the Hyatt feeling relaxed and held by the island. We are ready for the wedding.


Then we sat on the edge of the earth, with our feet dangling over the side, and marveled that we had found each other.
~Erik Dillard

Mr and Mrs...

We did it! Here are the cliffsnotes:

We had our relaxed, delightful, achingly gorgeous, simple, sacred wedding, in the late afternoon sun on Kauai, surrounded by close friends and family. The wind blew, the sun shone, there were tears – yes, and laughter – much laughter. There were surprises throughout the day.

We moved the reception dinner, to an open-air terrace with a waterfall and pond at the edge, a pond inhabited by a pair of mated white swans. This site had always been our indoor backup and we decided earlier in the week to make the change from the garden venue.

On the Sunday, we left for our honeymoon. While it was a trek to get there, we enjoyed our stay on the tropical island of Mustique, surrounded by coral reefs and turquoise waters. We ate (too!) well, and came back tan and relaxed, reveling in our married-ness.

Now we are home, adjusting to much lower temperatures (30 degrees lower!), and carrying the glow of what we have done into our everyday lives. (Ed told our next-door neighbour that we will be newlyweds for at least a year.)

In the next while, I will post the story of our wedding time (with pictures!) and vignettes from our honeymoon. Right now, I am waiting on pictures from our various photographers. Once they arrive, look for the posts to be frequent and colourful.

The photo above is our program. We included this quote inside:

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person – it is high inducement for these individuals to ripen, to become something in themselves, to become world, to become world in themselves for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on them, something that chooses them and calls them to vast distances.

From Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet (1934)

The quote on the vellum on the front:

Does the song of the Sea end at the shore
or in the hearts of those who listen to it?
~Kahlil Gibran