something in the water

Nearly two years ago, in August, we had a magnificent reason to celebrate. Ed and I were mid-stream on the remodel – we were at the stage that looks like total destruction, without quite reaching the point where we could start putting it all back together again – and we were ready for a break.

August in each of the previous two years had seen us heading for Kauai. (And if you are wondering why on earth we would head to Kauai in summer, when we can finally count on some nice weather in the Northwest, it has a lot to do with Kristina’s schedule.) Not 2005 – we had other plans.

Ed’s parents were to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Phyllis and Tom decided they wanted a small celebration, just immediate family and spouses, but that still meant 15 people at the farmhouse. Phyllis had lists going for weeks – a woman after my own heart – and hosted a wonderful weekend party.

We took pictures, ate well, played word and card games, walked and talked, listened to thunder, watched for deer (and skunk!), drove the tractor, played bocci and horseshoes, and laughed often. Phyllis even got out her wedding dress - it was lovely.

There was cake of course, and it was a tender moment for all of us gathered there to see Tom and Phyllis cut the cake… much as they must have done fifty years earlier, when none of us were more than a twinkle or a dream.

The thing I remember most is the laughter. And this picture.

Less than a year passed before the engagements started. First Ed proposed to me on Memorial Day weekend last year. Then Aaron, Debbie, and Brenda announced their engagements before the autumn. Ed warned them – in the nicest possible way – to stay away from July when choosing a date.

Our wedding will be the third one, with Brenda and Daniel exchanging their vows next June. It is a long, full season of celebration. Ed’s parents have been an inspiration to all of us – they sowed the seeds of family, respect, loving kindness, and belief in one another.

We must nurture what we have been given.

And as we lie beneath the stars,
We realize how small we are,
If they could love like you and me,
Imagine what the world could be

~Nickelback

why Kauai?

After our engagement, we spent a few months simply being engaged, enjoying the smiles, the joy, the peace of knowing what we share. With the autumn came the time to start our wedding planning in earnest.

We had long since established that we had a shared vision: something small and intimate, a celebration with our closest family and friends, the sound of laughter – our own and others’, something outside, in sight of water.

With the decision to be outside, we either needed to choose somewhere in the tropics or get married in the summer if it was a seasonal location.

Right away we decided not to get married in the Seattle/Bellevue area. While it is our home of choice, neither of us have family here, and we were concerned that the event would become simply a large party, taking away from the sacred reason for the celebration.

And haven’t we all been to enough weddings where we hardly know anybody, and we don’t get more than five minutes with the bride and groom? We wanted something different.

So, do we decide when or where first? The conversations really took place side by side. We wanted to give our long distance guests enough time to plan for the trip, so it wasn’t going to work to make it too soon. Making people fly during the winter or over the holidays didn’t seem kind either.

Okay, not holidays, not winter, not too soon. We also wanted to make it easy for the students and those with children to make the trip. That made it either spring break or summer. As spring break is not at the same time around the country, we looked at summer.

That looked awfully far away from last autumn.

Now – where? Many locations came up: Ireland, a ruined castle in Wales, Victoria BC, and others. We even thought of a barefoot ceremony in the redwood forest in Northern California. No water, you say? Have you ever been to the redwood forest? While there may be no large body of water, there are streams aplenty, and the mist is a constant presence, even in summer.

Ed’s mother has limited comfort with travel, and we hoped she and Ed’s father could be with us for the ceremony. Even though we didn’t want to get married in Pennsylvania, we were creative – we brainstormed sites in driving distance from the farm that might feel right for us.

We looked at Prince Edward Island (in maritime Canada) and old mansions in South Carolina. We even considered getting married on the Queen Elizabeth 2, during the crossing between New York and Southampton, England.

None of these was quite right.

Our first holiday together was in Kauai. Neither of us had been there before, and we had each heard that it was beautiful, quiet, private, relatively undeveloped, relaxed. That was an apt description for the vacation we needed at the time.

From the moment we landed, every sense lit up. The open walls of the airport let in the soft, fragrant tropical breeze, a warm scent that seems to permeate the whole island. Every arrival since has echoed that first one: once clear of baggage claim, we stop in our tracks, close our eyes, and inhale deeply. Oh, how we love Kauai!

Shortly before that first trip Ed bought an earlier edition of the Ultimate Kauai Guidebook, and we each spent time with it on the plane ride over. What a gift! The book helped us find many things we would have otherwise missed. We explored as much of the island as we could fit into a week, while also making time to relax and enjoy the easy way we have in each other’s company. We left with one certainty.

We would be back.

And we have been. Several times. Each trip we find new things to love about the island, and we visit again our favourite spots. We have not nearly run out of things to do there, or ways to relax and enjoy the special feeling the island inspires. This is a soul place for us. We often talk of finding a way to spend longer there – maybe we’ll move there to write our great novels.

Most of the places we considered for getting married had something about them that wasn’t quite right. We had thought of Kauai initially, but turned away from it as we knew it would be out of reach for Ed’s mother. As it became clear that traveling to any of the places on our short list would prove too difficult for Phyllis, we realized that we must choose the place that our hearts are drawn to.

Kauai.

Ahhhhh... There was great peace in that decision. And also sadness, as we knew it meant that Ed’s parents would not be joining us for the wedding. They will certainly be with us in spirit, and we know how happy they are for us.

That still left us with the need to pick a summer date. One Sunday last fall, waking up from a snooze, Ed said into the dim light of the room, “How about the seventh of July? Then it would be 7/7/07… and I would never forget our anniversary.” I could hear the grin in his voice, and he earned a thump for that one. At first I thought it was unbearably corny, but the idea grew on me, and I liked the pattern of it.

Apparently, so did a lot of other people. As we called around to check with photographers and other vendors, as well as potential sites for the ceremony and reception, we found that most of our choices were already long-since booked. We decided to move our date away from the press of the crowd, and looked a couple of weeks out.

The ceremony is set for the early evening of Friday 20 July. All of our guests will be on the island together for several days. We intend to enjoy plenty of time with each of them. And we hope that they will meet and enjoy each other also, so that by Friday evening, we will all be great friends.

Having our wedding in a place that has such significance for us feels right. We will return to the island again and again, and in doing so, we will remember our vows and those who witnessed them. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

photo FAQ

Which ones are your cake toppers?

Neither. We are not having cake toppers. Those were just images that worked for the post on wedding clothing. All of the other pictures in the blog were taken by Bridget. Except the pictures of Bridget and Ed, which were taken by Kristina with Bridget’s camera.


Who is the older lady?

Bridget’s Irish grandmother, Nana. Bridget is named for her grandmother, who was always called “Bride”. “Bride” was how the English heard the Gaelic pronunciation of Bridget, which is actually a little more like bree-id. When Bridget’s grandfather, a Canadian serviceman in England fighting with the Royal Air Force during WWII, was introduced to Bride, he said yes to that.


Where were the pictures taken?

The ocean waves were snapped at dawn from the beach in front of the Hyatt. Looking south, there are points on either side that frame a small bay. The surf was crashing over the lower point to the west. To the east, there is a much higher point that blocks the sun rising over the horizon. To see true sunrise, you have to go out on the point at dawn.

The silhouette picture of palm trees in the reception post was taken at the Hyatt also. There is a 5-acre salt water lagoon that meanders between the hotel and the beach. Some of the lagoon is available for swimming and kayaking, with a “beach” of harsh “sand” to rough up your pedicure. The rest has bridges over and paths beside with landscaped gardens around. This shot was taken a little before sunset. (The ocean beach has much nicer sand.)

The restaurant post has a picture taken through the girders of the Hanalei Bridge, the first of the one-lane bridges as you head north on the island. This bridge is just before Hanalei, the others are all after, on the way to Ke’e Beach. Bridge protocol on the island requires that you stop and check for oncoming traffic. If it is clear for you to go, head on over - all cars from one direction go until it is clear for the other side. There would be huge bottlenecks if the cars took turns and went one at a time from each side. The island way is more efficient.

The palm trees and hammocks are on the beach at the Princeville Hotel at the north end of the island. They were rarely unoccupied, but I went on a photo safari early one morning. The only other person out at that time of day was the guy on the sand-zamboni – an ATV with a huge rake behind it – combing the sand (partly for aesthetics, partly for safety). From the beach, you can see in the background some of the lush, dramatic ridges that form the bays of the north shore, our favourite part of the island.

The view up into the palm trees – in this post – was from one of the hammocks on the beach at the Princeville – a pretty sweet spot. All of the beaches on Kauai are public property, but if you have to cross private property to access the ‘public’ beach, it changes the dynamic. Fortunately, there are plenty of superb public access beaches, all around the island.

one month from today

Are you excited?

People have asked this question since we first announced our engagement. At first, we were unpacking and adjusting and finishing the remodel. That took the summer and early autumn.

Then, when we started planning the wedding, the date seemed so far away as to be a little unreal. The details involved in putting together a wedding at such a distance took their own focus. Follow that with our stormy winter and the spring we have had, and we are plum wore out.

Still, are you excited?

Why, yes!

Maybe it was choosing our rings. Maybe it was finally (unexpectedly) finding the right dress and knowing it. Maybe it was the return of the sunshine to the Northwest. Maybe it’s just the turning of the calendar.

The wedding is right around the corner, and suddenly seems very real. We are exhausted and counting on those first few days on our own to relax and regenerate a little. The island is a soothing and healing place for us – it is a soul-home, and we are eager to return to its embrace.

We’re getting married – in one of our favourite places, surrounded by many of our favourite people – to each other. Excited? Yes!

And grateful every day for the blessing of finding each other. Dreams do come true.

"For all that has been, thanks.
For all that will be, yes.”

~Dag Hammarskjöld

with this ring

We chose our wedding rings last weekend.

Actually, we kind of chose each other’s.

Perhaps I should back up.

Before Ed proposed he spent time looking at diamonds and rings. He had been thinking about this for a while and chose the stone first – an Asscher-cut diamond. He then chose a simple, classic ring setting, so that he could propose with a ring in hand; he figured we could go together, and I could choose the setting that suited me.

The thing of it was… that simple, classic setting suited me. We did go to the jewelry store, and I was completely overwhelmed by the choices. The salesman saw my difficulty – he suggested that we sit down, asked me about my style and preferences, and then brought over a few rings at a time for me to try.

And they were lovely – each and every one. I had worn the ring Ed first gave me for a couple of days at that point, and while I was nowhere near “used to” it, I liked how it looked on my hand, with its clean lines. (Okay, I could hardly stop looking at it on my hand, and he loved the perma-grin that went with that.)

Each time I tried a ring on, I would admire what was nice about it, and then put the ring that Ed had given me back on my hand. It quickly became clear that he had chosen the ideal setting – ideal for how it complemented the diamond he chose, and ideal for how it suited me and my hand.

At the time, I also tried on wedding bands with the different ring settings. The salesman pointed out that while I would wear the engagement ring for the rest of my life, I would wear it alone for a short time only. It helped to see the ring with different size and shape wedding bands – the choice of engagement ring setting became even clearer when I saw it with the wedding bands.

Which brings us to looking at wedding rings last weekend.

Well, almost. In February, before we went to Aaron and Jessica’s wedding, I went into the jewelry store to have my ring polished and steam-cleaned. We would be seeing Ed’s family for the first time since we were engaged, and we wanted the ring to look its best.

While I waited for the ring, I wandered around, looking at the display cases of wedding bands. And then I saw it. There was a striking display of unusual rings, designed and made using an ancient Japanese technique for forging swords. I was intrigued. Then my ring came back to me, all sparkling and clean, and I left the store. I didn’t think much more about wedding bands for several months.

Until last weekend, really. I had always kind of pictured that we would have matching platinum bands. Obviously not exactly matching – our hands are very different in size and shape, and the exact same ring would have looked silly on one of us.

Given that I had tried on bands already, I felt pretty close to knowing what I wanted: something simple, with clean lines – plain, even. I didn't want a wedding band with gems in it – if Ed and I travel to any sketchy parts of the world, I want to be able to leave the diamond ring behind and still wear the wedding band without worry.

In the store, I had a peek around at all the offerings (not so overwhelmed now). I pointed out to Ed the unusual rings I mentioned earlier, and then we asked to see the tray of simple bands. (They don’t seem to put much emphasis on displaying those.)

I tried a few bands, in different widths and different shapes; I kept coming back to a narrow band that echoed the narrow band of the engagement ring. When I first put it on, Ed said, “That’s the one.” And it was. He says it perfectly complements my long graceful fingers.

I love the way he sees me.

Time for Ed’s ring. He’d already been scoping things out. He also preferred a simple band with no gems, but where I thought he might be drawn to a plain platinum band, he was looking at rings with more detail: some with hammered surfaces, some with a rim or rail at each edge. He wanted something distinctive. He tried on a few, narrowed it down to a couple, but there wasn’t a standout choice.

In the interest of giving him some space, I wandered along the display cases, and again came across the rings forged sword-style. Ed joined me, agreed that they were striking, and then prepared to move on. I asked him to just try one.

“Humour me,” I said. “Please.”

Wow. When something is right, it’s right. None of the rings Ed had tried on were large enough to make it fully onto his ring finger, but still. When he tried this one on, it sang – the colours, the waves, the design in the ring. The band itself is simple and elegant in shape; yet, the way the metals are forged together, it seems to be alive, dancing with light.

He thought about it some, and decided it was right. And the name of the ring design: Norwegian Deep. For any of you who have heard Ed describe his experience of Norway’s fiords, you’ll know this seems a wonderful synchronicity.

Ed’s ring will take time to create. They will both be here before it’s time to leave for Kauai. Some of you have been surprised that we waited so long to choose our rings. We were neither rushing nor delaying – we had just not got to it yet. It’s been a very full spring.

And the biggest, most important choice was made long ago.

Anam Cara

Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath.
~ Eve Glicksman


"Is colainn gan cheann duine gan anam cara"
~ St. Brigid

In English: A person without a Soul Friend is like a body without a head. Yes, it sounds lovely (more lovely? lovelier?) in the Gaelic, but a translation seemed in order. Gaelic was Nana's first language, and is still spoken on Bere Island, her birthplace - off the southwest coast of Ireland, in County Cork.


Anam Cara defined:

Anam is the Gaelic word for soul, and Cara is the word for friend.

According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines all around the body like a luminous cloud. When you are very open, appreciative, and trusting with another person, your two souls flow together.

This deeply felt bond with another person means you have found your Anam Cara, or "soul friend."


Anam Cara.

restaurants on Kauai

When we sent the guide book with the invitations, we wanted to help folks with planning, and also give a sense of the island. Still, food is so very personal – we don’t love everything the reviewers do, and we’ve had great experiences where they’ve been unimpressed. You’ll find your own way. Here are some of our favourites (and some duds). Check the guide book for prices and addresses.

Tidepools at the Hyatt: we love it – we went twice in our one-week trip last December. We will be hosting a dinner there with our friends the night before the wedding; we recommend it completely.
(scroll down the page to find Tidepools info)

Gaylord’s: truly romantic – great atmosphere, wonderful service, superb food; ambiance includes old trains and horse-drawn carriages – we thoroughly enjoyed this place. It’s on the main highway coming out of Lihue, before you turn down to Poipu.

Puka Dogs (pronounced poo-kah): yes, this is a hot dog joint – they have huge gourmet dogs, both meaty and vegetarian, with outrageous sauces (try the mango or the hot mustard) and the best lemonade to balance the flavours. It’s walking distance from the Hyatt, but you may want to drive in the heat.

Kauai Coffee: this is a coffee plantation, with an old-style plantation building, serving coffee and treats (best iced mochas around!) They also have a gift shop that’s actually worth a look, and historical information about coffee on Kauai.

Zelo’s in Hanalei: this is one of our favourite restaurants on the island – we went there on our first trip and have been back nearly every time. They have the best fish & chips ever – made with ono (a dense variety of white fish), and humongous salads. When we were there in December, we traveled to the North Shore, anticipating fried ono all day long, only to find that they were closed for renovations. Darn! There are other great places to go in Hanalei, but when you are counting on Zelo’s, it’s just not the same. This trip, we plan on lunch at Zelo’s when we take our families to the North Shore the day after the wedding.
(I can’t seem to find a working link for this one – it’s in the guide book though, and you trust us, right?)

Tropical Taco in Hanalei: we discovered this one day when Zelo’s had too long a wait for us to eat there again in the same trip. The food here is excellent and fast, the environment is surfer casual, and it is way easy on the pocketbook. As I read in one review: you can have anything you want to drink, as long as it’s lemonade. Worth a trip!

Waimea Brewing Company: this is in the “town” of Waimea, on the west side of the island, just before you run out of road at the military installation. This is near the turnoff to go up to Waimea Canyon. In July, this is going to be a very hot part of the island – we recommend a morning trip to Waimea Canyon and the overlook at Kalalau Valley, then stop in at Waimea Brewing Company for lunch on your way back. We haven’t tried it yet, but it looked good when we visited in December, and we plan to check it out this trip.

La Cascata at the Princeville Hotel: the Princeville is a European-style hotel, set in tropical paradise – it feels very grand when you first enter the lobby. La Cascata is a phenomenal Italian restaurant, overlooking Hanalei Bay, with the cliffs rising opposite. The service is top-notch, the food is superb, and the view is without compare. This is a treat.

The Living Room at the Princeville Hotel: this is an open lounge on the main lobby level, with floor-to-ceiling windows showcasing the same spectacular view as La Cascata. They have low-key entertainment several nights a week, a dessert buffet on (I think) Saturday nights, and a wide variety of drinks, snacks, appetizers, sushi etc. It’s still spendy (this is the Princeville), but a more casual way to enjoy the view and ambiance – there is also a terrace outside.

Polynesia Café in Hanalei: this natural-foods restaurant in Hanalei has a granola-head feel to it, with surf board décor. The food is fresh, fast, and tasty, all made on site with love. If you are up for the zing, their ginger lemonade will both fire up and cool down your day – they make it zippy. (It looks as if they have opened up another one in Kapa’a, but it’s hard to imagine that one working as well as the Hanalei site. Maybe.)

Papaya’s Natural Foods in Kapa’a: this is at the back of a shopping plaza. It's a great source for alternative items, plus they have treats from Icing on the Cake (our wedding cake baker) which is just around the corner. There is also a new, smaller, Papaya's store in Hanalei serving the North Shore.

Wishing Well Shave Ice in Hanalei: shave ice served out of a green van on the right as you head north into Hanalei, in the same parking lot as Kayak Kauai. This is a pretty colourful experience, and you should do it at least once, although I would skip the ice cream with the shave ice – it is entirely redundant and your cheeks just may melt off with the sugar if you do it all at once.
(these are relaxed hippies in a green van – no website)

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly."
~M.F.K. Fisher

Cautionary Notes:

Dondero’s at the Hyatt: great food, but hardly any view and the service does not match the Hyatt or prices – we were not impressed, and won’t go back, especially when the Hyatt has Tidepools.

Beach House in Poipu: beautiful sunset view, pissy service, good food, lackluster service, gets lots of press, (did I say crappy service?), we think it’s more than a little overrated, especially for the price.

Hamura’s Saimin Stand in Lihue: the guide book gives this an “ono” and we have no idea why – at least now they admit it’s dumpy. This place is a dive, the food was salty rather than tasty, and the service was surly at best. We can’t recommend it – as above, not all reviewers agree. ;-)


This is a start. The guide book now has more reviews than earlier editions, and many have changed since our first trip to the island. We may be out exploring too: we want to try Scotty’s Beachside BBQ in Kapa’a and the Korean BBQ in Wailua. We’ve tried to go to Shipwreck Subs & Ice Cream in Kalaheo, but they’ve always been closed. Or maybe they just look closed – this is a shack, overgrown by bushes, threatening to fall over – but I’ll try again for the chance to try the mythic awesome ice cream from the Big Island.

how we dance...

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love

Let me see your beauty
when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving
like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only
know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now
dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and
dance me very long
We’re both of us beneath our love
we’re both of us above
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children
who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains
that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now
though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I’m gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand
touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love

~Leonard Cohen (Canadian poet)

from this book with art by Henri Matisse

what to expect at our reception

There will be no dancing.

Okay, you can dance.

What we mean is, there will be no planned music: no DJ, no band, no speaker set-up.

What you will hear: the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand, the wind whispering in the palm trees, the tiki torches fluttering in the breeze, and – we hope – the laughter and conversation of our friends and family celebrating the joy of the evening and each other’s company.

Oh, and the groans of pleasure when people eat the cake. No, really. This is not like ‘regular’ cake. This is not even like regular wedding cake. Oh my. This is knee-weakening stuff.

The dinner buffet will be a traditional luau menu with some additions and tweaks of our own, to make it ours and to please our palates.

Except for the poi.

We’re not wild about poi, but it is authentic and traditional, so we’re leaving it there. You be the judge.

"It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others.

So it happens that when I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and warmth and the love of it and the hunger for it; and then the warmth and richness and fine reality of hunger satisfied; and it is all one."
— M.F.K. Fisher

There will be a full bar, with our signature cocktail: the Red Dirt Margarita. We discovered this on our December trip, and it is the best drink ever. We have no idea what the mixture is on the rim, but it is salty, sweet, unusual, and a little gritty. We don’t need to know, because it tastes great. We hope you’ll like it too.

With all these libations, we anticipate there may be some interesting toasting. Oh wait, that’s one of the things attendants do. And there aren’t any attendants. But we know our friends are talkative, and our families like to tell stories. So, there will be champagne for toasting.

Get your speeches ready…

By 10:00 pm, the Hyatt will be kicking us off the beach, as quiet hours must be observed. If you are partied out by that point, we’ll bid you good night. For those who may wish to continue celebrating, Stephenson’s Library (the lounge off the main lobby area), will be open until 11:45 pm. Will Ed and Bridget be there?

That remains to be seen.

no icky bridemaid dresses

Kristina has a cute rhinestone-studded top that says “bridesmaid” in honour of the fact that she will be the one to fuss with my dress if it needs any fussing (and it’s not a fussy dress).

Other than that, we are keeping things simple: we are not having any attendants – no maid of honour, no best man, no passel of identically dressed friends groaning about bad dresses or matching shoes or tuxes.

What are the other jobs attendants do?

All but one of our guests are coming from out of state (and Bridget’s family from out of the county), so we haven’t done the whole shower/stag party thing. (Whew!)

We figure we can keep track of the rings. We won’t be leaving in a car, so no need for tin cans and such. We need two people to witness our marriage certificate: we’ve asked the couple who introduced us to fill that role and they’ve said yes.

So, great sigh of relief, friends and sisters, you’ll not be asked to wear matching dresses and carry bouquets. Menfolk of our friends and family, you won’t be showing people to their chairs. Really, there are fewer than 30 guests – we think folks can find their own seats.

And yes, there will be chairs. I know we talked early on about having the wedding on the beach, but the logistics of making people stand around, or wobble in chairs in the sand, didn’t sound comfortable to us. So we chose the garden overlooking the beach with the ocean crashing in down below. There is a gazebo structure, and the chairs will be arranged in front of that.

But again, it will be simple. We won’t be at the ceremony all that long, so there will be no tulle on the chairs, no flowers to wilt or trample. Kauai in general, and the Hyatt in particular, are filled with gardens and flowers – no need to cut them down and pin their tormented bodies to chairs.

After the ceremony, we will take a few pictures with our families, and maybe a group shot with everyone. Then Ed and Bridget (with Kristina in tow to straighten the dress) will go off to take wedding pictures around the gardens and on the beach.

Our guests will have drinks and snacks to tide them over while they wait. Yummy snacks. (In fact, they look so yummy, we have asked for own plate of snacks to take with us.)

After that, we will all meet at the reception site, ready to celebrate together. And what a celebration! We’ll be married… and ready to share our first meal with the family and friends gathered around us.

We’ll also be holding close those who couldn’t make it to Kauai for the trip, and remembering those who are with us only in spirit.

So, how formal is this shindig?

Clearly, the “clothes” post didn’t give enough information.

Early in our planning, we talked about what we would wear. At that point, there were two parts of the planning that were most important to me: the dress and the invitations. Of course, it all matters, it’s just that these were the parts I felt the most creatively invested in, the parts I thought would be most personally reflective.

Then, we had yet to talk about the ceremony. Now, I believe that the ceremony we create and the vows we share will be the most meaningful, tender, and memorable part of the day for us – that is the sacred part of what guides us, and the reason for all of this.

Still, I knew I wanted to wear a fabulous dress for that ceremony. After the first day of dress shopping, Ed asked how fancy he was going to have to go. I told him he could wear exactly what he wanted – it’s his wedding too and he should be comfortable (relaxed was the first word on our list).

And even though I hadn’t found it yet and I had NO idea what it would look like, (and wouldn’t for some time), I knew I was going to wear a fabulous dress. Achingly gorgeous. (In case you wondered, that was Ed’s poetic turn-of-phrase.)

I figured Ed might wear something like khakis and a white shirt, or some variation on that, maybe even linen shorts. As long as he was comfortable, I was fine with it. And we really didn’t talk much about what he would wear after that initial conversation.

Well, there was the dress to talk about.

The man has the patience of a saint – a saint I tell you.

Time passes. One Sunday afternoon, we are cuddled on the couch, enjoying the quiet of the house, my head on his shoulder, and he rumbles into the silence… “I think I’ll wear a tux.”

A tux?

Stunned and amazed just doesn’t cover it. I didn’t even know what to say. (That’s rare.) It took me a couple of days to ask him about it. Sure enough, he is going to wear a tuxedo. And I can’t wait to see him in it. As I won’t let him see the dress beforehand, I’m not to come with him when they size and fit the tux. Just on principle.

We are dressing up because it is our wedding. Getting married is significant – we want to bring a certain reverence and attention to what we are doing, and dressing carefully and consciously will help us do that.

And as always, we are thinking about the pictures of the day. We see pictures everywhere – we can’t help it, we’re photographers– and we chose the Hyatt in part because of the surrounding grounds where we will go to take our wedding pictures. We decided to dress more formally, in part for those photographs.

And we meant what we said before: Please wear what you are comfortable in, what feels appropriate to the day. And to the place – we will be in the tropics in summer.




Assuming the weather co-operates (and we hold that it will) the ceremony will be in a garden overlooking the ocean – late afternoon, in the shade. There will definitely still be heat in the day. There will be a light breeze, as mentioned before.

The reception dinner will start right around sunset, in a beach front garden. Both gardens have dense grass lawn. When we were there in December, I found that I could wear heels on the grass, but I had to be careful. For the wedding, I will wear heels part of the day, and I will go barefoot part of the day.

Hopefully, that helps you to choose, or to be comfortable with your choice. Let us know if you have any more questions. We want you free to relax and celebrate with us.

kaylah is not coming to the wedding

She’s not even invited. She has an extended engagement at Camp Smuckers.

We will be heading out to Kauai the Saturday before the wedding for some much needed R&R before the big day. Between Bridget’s shoulder, Ed’s job, and Kristina’s lacrosse, things have been pretty disrupted at our house these last few months. Most of our guests arrive on Wednesday; we’ll celebrate together until Sunday morning when Ed and Bridget leave for two weeks of honeymoon.

Okay, you are saying, but Camp Smuckers?

A while back we were looking for a dog-care situation and we were referred to a family with a middle-schooler who wanted to do dog-sitting. These folks live right on Lake Sammamish, not five minutes from our house. Kaylah is the consummate swimmer, especially if there is a tennis ball involved. The best part is that they have two dogs of their own – a yellow lab and a pug. Sounds good, right? It gets better.

When we first went over for a meet-and-greet to test the waters (as it were), we were warned that their yellow lab can get territorial about his bowl, his space, his bed, etc. As Kaylah tends to the submissive end of the spectrum, I wasn’t worried – I knew Kaylah would give him his space. We gave him room to set the boundaries with Kaylah, and he did, with a growl and some mild pushing around when she went to sniff his bowl. They worked it out and we knew we could leave them to it.

After our weekend away, we picked up Kaylah and were greeted with smiles all around. It turns out that the yellow lab has a new best friend and love in life: our Kaylah. By the end of that first weekend, he was bringing balls to her to play with, and welcomed her in every part of his life. The family loves Kaylah like one of their own and they can’t wait for the next time she gets to visit.

So. The lab’s name? Smuckers.

Now, when we go away, Kaylah gets to go to Camp Smuckers. She loves it too, and this time, it’s for three weeks.

Is it better to give than to receive?

Number two on the list of most-asked questions: “What would you like for a wedding gift?” How to answer this one graciously?

First, we appreciate the tradition that gifts young newlyweds with items to help them set up housekeeping and get started in the material world. Getting married at the ripe old age of 40 (wait, who are you callin’ old?), we really do have all the kitchen items and linens we need. We’ve already set up house together, and by the number of boxes still in our garage, we will be better served by sending things OUT rather than bringing them IN.

Second, all of you coming to the wedding are gifting us with your presence. You are taking time away from your lives, families, work, and regular summer schedules, to witness our wedding and celebrate for days with each other and with us. We thank you for that.

Third, and while there would be a way around this, folks typically bring gifts to the wedding. We will be there with bags for the week in Kauai, and for the two weeks of our honeymoon – we won’t be stopping home in between. And for those of you who know how I can over-pack (a girl can’t really have too many options, right?), there won’t be room for extras in those suitcases.

Last, but not least, after a year and a half of near-constant decisions on the remodel, followed by the many choices to make while planning the wedding, we just could not face the idea of choosing items for a registry.

We thank you for thinking of us. We are blessed with abundance in our lives – material, social, emotional, cultural, health, spiritual. As my Nana often said, “We don’t want for anything.” If you feel compelled to acknowledge our wedding in some way, please donate to an organization in your area that promotes literacy or advocates for children.

And thank you.

the emperor’s new clothes

One of our wedding guests is attending another wedding this weekend. Also in the tropics, also on an island. All of the guests have been asked – nay, directed – to wear white. White, white, and white – right down to the shoes. I imagine the pictures will look dramatic and lovely, especially if they have colourful blossoms all about. And that is rather more controlling than we intend.

We’ve been asked many times, “What should I wear?” We won’t be telling anyone what to wear, not even each other. But we know you want SOME clue, so here is our answer, which harkens back to what guides us:

Please wear what you are comfortable in, what feels appropriate to the day.

Truly. Grass skirt and coconut shells? Now that’s some island spirit we’d like to see. Jeans? Sure, but you’ll be hot. Bermuda shorts or a prom gown? Bring it on.

It will be 80-90 deg F in Kauai in July, with fairly high humidity during the day. The resort is on the southern tip of the island in Poipu, so there will be a breeze most of the time, which will pick up in the evening. When we were there in December, that breeze was strong in the evening, and I wished I had brought a shawl or sweater some nights. Ed was just fine the whole time. We are told the Poipu breeze won’t be nearly that strong or cool in July, but I would recommend a light wrap anyway.

Small print: Please don’t wear white. Just saying.

one girl's tradition is another girl's tourniquet

Some girls dream of The Wedding from a very young age - they have invitations picked out, linens ready to monogram, and a theme in mind, complete with dresses for the bridesmaids that match the cummerbunds and hankies the best man and ushers will wear.

That was NOT Bridget.

I didn’t even know it was ‘cummerbund’ until about a month ago; before that I thought it was ‘cumberbund’. (Oh dear.) I had no concept of myself as a Bride, and I certainly didn’t want to subscribe to the wedding industry’s idea (at $8 billion annually) of what a wedding should look like.

A friend who was married a few months before our engagement described herself as “the Anti-Bride”. I loved the tongue-in-cheek sound of that – I didn’t want to be the Princess Bride or Bridezilla or any bridal variation in between.

Turns out there is a book called Anti-Bride Guide, and Rae gave me her copy, inscribed with this note:

I received this book from a fellow “anti-bride” on the occasion of my engagement. I now pass this sacred guide to you, my beloved friend, in hopes that you will also find freedom from stuffy tradition and ridiculous ceremony. May your wedding be a unique and breathtakingly beautiful celebration of love.

There is absolutely a place for tradition, ceremony, and ritual. And you will find those at our wedding. But you will only find those that have meaning for us, those that help us create the wedding that reflects Ed and Bridget, those that celebrate who we are and how we love each other.

what guides us

When we started to plan the wedding, we naturally had a list of things to think about: date, location, time of day, photographer, invitations, etc. There are checklists abundant that charge an engaged couple with all the tasks “necessary” to put on a wedding and the timetable for achieving those tasks.

We ignored those.

Before we made any of the decisions or choices you will read about in later posts, we sat down together (in the Batmobile on a Sunday morning drive in the hills east of our home) and thought about how we want our wedding to BE. We wanted to have a short list of key words that would guide our decisions and inform others so they could help us achieve our vision. Here is what we came up with:

Relaxed
Delightful
Achingly Gorgeous
Simple
Sacred

We want to be comfortable, have fun, look back on the beauty of the day, avoid complication, and keep in mind that this is not just a party we are throwing - that there is a sacred ritual at the heart of what we are doing.

Kristina questioned the “achingly” part with this comment, "You don’t want people to bend over with a stomach cramp, do you?" Of course not. We were going to say ‘beautiful’, but it was one of those gorgeous summer mornings, more than beautiful, when you ache for more – the sun still low, not yet washing out the blue of the sky, the wind whipping our hair, the undeniable thrill of being alive causing us to grin constantly – inspiring our choice of words.

we're getting married...

...as you know by now! I planned to put together a blog or a website long ago, but time has been marching by. Our guests have been asking many questions about what to expect and those who are not joining us want to know the details of our day so they can share the celebration with us. Still others have asked for back story.

This blog will be our opportunity to communicate with all of you. In the next few days and weeks I'll post information that will be helpful for those who will be joining us in Kauai. I'll also post chapters in our love story. Many of you know that I can't seem to tell the short version of anything - with something as delightful as a romance, why would I try?

Check back here for updates as we get closer to the wedding and for pictures after the big event.

My bounty is as endless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee
The more I have, for both are infinite.
~Shakespeare