all together now - Wednesday

When we chose Kauai for our wedding, we wanted more than just a destination wedding. We wanted to honour and include the cultural traditions of the island.

We looked for a minister who would be able to create with us a sacred, authentic ceremony that also reflected our romance. As with many elements of our wedding, our first choice didn’t work out.

Neither did our second.

Then we connected with Kelvin Ho. And, as with many elements of our wedding, the search and the journey brought us to the exactly right choice.

We had a multi-step email conversation with Kelvin, getting to know each other. Our wedding contact at the Hyatt had sent us a ceremony of his, which included a Hawaiian water sharing ritual.

This ritual involves opening a coconut, giving the milk to each other to drink, and pouring some on the ground with ceremonial intention.

Uh oh.

Ed detests coconut, in all forms. He would have been tempted to pour it all on the ground. And I didn’t want my first act as his wife to be feeding him something that he thinks is truly vile. We feed each other in so many wonderful ways – we want that to continue to be a good thing.

We explained our problem and asked Kelvin if he had another ritual that could be part of our wedding ceremony; what he came up with was perfect for us (more on that later). As for the rest of the ceremony, we trusted that it would be right. To help him create the prelude to our vows, he asked us to share a brief bio of our love story.

Brief. Hmmm…

As you might guess by now, I was challenged by “brief”. What I sent him was probably longer than he expected, and still it felt like “just the facts ma’am”. I hoped the tenderness and passion of our romance would come through anyway. Kelvin’s response assured us that he understood, that he sees how we are together.

And all this even before meeting us.



Shortly before arriving on island, we made a request. We wanted to meet Kelvin before the ceremony. This seemed to be unusual – for most destination weddings, the ministers just show up, conduct the ceremony, and then be on their way. We didn’t want to be shaking hands with our minister at the top of the aisle. If we were getting married at home, we would have met the officiant beforehand, and we wanted that in Kauai also.

So Kelvin agreed to meet with us. Wednesday morning, we had breakfast together at Joe’s on the Green , a casual open air restaurant at a nearby Poipu golf course. It was more relaxed than the Hyatt, and we enjoyed misty morning views of the nearby ridges while we chatted.

We learned that Kelvin is involved in cultural teachings and working with youth to maintain connection to their cultural heritage. He works on conservation projects around the islands to protect the heritage and integrity of the island ecosystems, and mentors young people to connect them to traditions and give them ownership of their island home. He had just returned from a hiking/kayaking trip along the Na Pali Coast, a trip that Ed and I want to do when we have a longer block of time to be on the island.


Kelvin learned about our families, and how important it was to us to share our wedding with them. We told him of Ed’s parents, and my Nana and Pop, and how we wanted our ceremony to include them, even without their physical presence. Kelvin asked us about Kristina, and saw how we were already a family, caring for and supporting each other.

We left that breakfast knowing we were going to have a much more personal experience with our minister, feeling connected to a real person – a person we like and respect, someone we admire and welcome as part of our sacred ceremony.

Just two more days!


We spent much of the rest of Wednesday relaxing by the pool. We felt well settled into the island by then, and we were looking forward to most everyone arriving by that evening. Throughout the day we would wonder aloud where our guests were at just that moment. Kristina was ready to be in the sun again after hiding with her burn for a few days and she enjoyed an afternoon of water volleyball.

We had an early dinner at Keoki’s Paradise in Poipu. We had read about it in the guide book, and while the book is right – it is kind of tacky – it’s also fun, and we liked it. The menu is very limited, which actually makes it pretty easy to order: steak or fish. If steak, how big? And if fish, what kind? They do make an outstanding passion fruit margarita (said the tequila girl in me) and when you sit by the stream and waterfall with the bamboo garden screen, you hardly notice the road that’s just ten feet away.

Then it was time to head back to the hotel, do a quick tidy on our suite, set out drinks, and be ready to welcome our guests. As we pulled up to the valet, we saw that David and Raynn-Beau had just arrived also. A quick hug, and then we were on our way, hoping to be at our suite before any one else arrived. We had beer and wine, sodas, juice and water. We didn’t plan food. And we said this in our email invitation.

Huh? No food?

There were those who didn’t believe it; when David suggested that he and Raynn-Beau grab a bite to eat first, Raynn-Beau said, “But it’s Bridget, Dad, of course there will be food”. And she’s right, in the sense that food is a huge part of my life: when I/we host a gathering, food is central to the event, often the rallying force to bring people together. And it is a great joy to feed people, for feeding bodies usually involves feeding hearts.

David’s response: “Yeah, but she’s at a hotel – she doesn’t have a kitchen, and she’s getting married in two days. This is not the time for her to play full-on hostess.” Or words to that effect. And he was right also.

We weren’t at home. And even though we had the suite, we were not set up to prepare, store, and serve food, and we didn’t much want to clean up afterward. I suppose we could have ordered in, but we had no idea where everyone would be in their travel schedules and food needs, and really, we didn’t want a big production. We weren’t even sure who would show up, as we had only a couple of replies to our invite.

The weeks and months leading up to the wedding were a strain – my shoulder injury limited me much more than I liked to admit, taking energy that I would have preferred to put into more social and creative endeavours. Being realistic meant limiting my commitments. So, that meant keeping it simple. No food.

We simply wanted to see and welcome folks who had arrived on island for this time. We wanted to begin celebrating with them. We wanted to hold them and share our joy.

And that we did.


The hugs and smiles were abundant – it was hot-and-cold-running people for a while. Catherine and Graham left to retrieve Elizabeth and Mum from the airport; Judy and Aaron went to collect Sarah and Kirk. Tina and Robert had hiked Waimea all day and were barely vertical. David had stories to share. We finally got to visit with everyone, even if briefly, and then they were off to settle for the evening.

It was amazing to see and feel the loving energy from folks who had traveled such a long way to be with us on our day. We are indeed blessed in our circle of friends and family.

Family faces are magic mirrors – looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and the future. ~Gail Buckley

not the short version

This is not even the whole story.

For those of you who weren’t there, the next few posts will give you an idea of our wedding. For our wedding guests, you already know some or even much of this – other parts of it may be new to you. For all, we hope you enjoy our story, and the pictures that go with it.

When we first talked about getting married, we agreed that we wanted something small and intimate for our wedding. We wanted time to visit and talk with our guests and each other, time to breathe, to take in the day. With awareness that a wedding – like most rituals – celebrates something at once both mundane and magnificent, we wanted to be fully present for the experience.

So, as posted earlier, we chose to get married in Kauai, a place of great significance to both of us. Our first holiday together was here, and we keep coming back. With each visit, we discover something new to appreciate about the island – here we feel a deep sense of peace and homecoming, to the place, to ourselves, to each other.

Ed had attended Barry and Joan’s wedding in Mexico, and liked the relaxed pace of a longer celebration. It is the nature of a destination wedding: time to catch up for friends and family, time to get to know one another for the guests, time to relax, swim, and play for the bride and groom.

Ed likes to tell the story of how Joan was still in the hot tub an hour before their ceremony. (Joan has yet to confirm that.) I knew I would want more getting-ready time than that, but still, that’s the flavour we were looking for.

Before the guests arrived:

Our wedding actually starts well before the ceremony on Friday. We arrived on island the Saturday evening before, after months of preparation, mountains of email, a gazillion decisions made, and 14 hours of traveling. Here finally.

We heaved a great collective sigh of relief. Our luggage had all arrived with us. The dress had been shipped out on Tuesday and arrived before we did. Check. The tux was waiting in Lihue. The rings were in a small blue pouch in Ed’s pocket. Check. My brother and niece were already on island and our friends and other family would start arriving on Monday, with nearly everyone there by Wednesday evening.

Sunday saw us at the Ilima Terrace for a buffet breakfast – such variety of food in the open-air terrace, the bold birds flitting about, and the staff greeting us warmly. During our stay in December, the staff at the Hyatt greeted me as Mrs. Gausman at every opportunity. Even though it wasn’t quite true yet, I found myself sitting taller, proud of the association, feeling the anticipation of it being real. When we were seated that Sunday morning, they did it again. It’s almost true!


We spent the day relaxing by the pool, with Kristina discovering the volleyball net in the water and the spa tub on the island in the middle of the lower pool. Oh, how I wish now that I had taken more pictures in Kauai – my shoulder was too sore then, and after months of physical therapy, I needed to relax and rest – getting out the camera didn’t work.

Fortunately, Kristina did have her camera out, and the pictures in this post are all hers. Sunday was also the day Kristina realized that her parents know what they are talking about when they say the tropical sun is different than the Pacific Northwest sun. Ouch.

Monday was another slow day, with Kristina recovering from her burn by hiding indoors. Because we were holding our wedding at the Hyatt and had booked a block of rooms, they upgraded our room to a suite, with Kristina’s room connecting. The suite was something we definitely appreciated when it came time for getting ready.

With the extra space, we decided that a welcome get-together would be just the thing. After sending out an email invite to our guests, we went into Lihue for supplies – and of course, for lunch at Puka Dog in Poipu

Monday was also Ed’s tux fitting, but he wouldn’t allow me to accompany him, saying with a grin, “You won’t let me see the dress, you can’t see the tux.”

On Tuesday, we met with Kasey, our wedding contact at the Hyatt. She greeted us warmly, invited us into her office, and promptly handed us the weather report showing the track of Hurricane Cosme… (beat)… on its way to the Hawaiian islands… (beat)… okay. Total surrender here. I mean, really, what can you say to that?

We selected Poipu, rather than our preferred North Shore, for the more reliable weather with almost no likelihood of rain in summer. Still, we always knew that weather was a possibility. In our first few days on island, we had seen an unusual amount of rain and high winds, much of it in the evening, so we were already inclined to change from our planned beachfront garden reception to a reception dinner on the Ilima Terrace.

Changing to our indoor backup did not feel at all like a hardship. The choice of the Hyatt as our wedding venue was guided in part by the indoor option. There were many lovely venues around the island – gardens, beaches, estates – where we might have held our wedding. However, the indoor backup for most of those would have been an ugly white plastic tent or a shed - that wasn't our idea of achingly gorgeous. We figured that if we were going to end up in a tent, then it didn’t really matter how lovely our surroundings were.

The Ilima Terrace is a wonderful space in its own right: follow a stairway with a landing turning down into an open air space with more than 30 ft ceilings and carved wooden doors nearly that high – doors that could be closed in extreme weather, but would likely stay open for us. Those doors open onto a pond fed by a waterfall, filled with koi, home to a pair of mated white swans, surrounded by beautiful gardens. The terrace is wonderfully decorated, has a floor that the ladies’ heels wouldn’t sink into, and the bathrooms don’t involve a trek in the dark. We didn’t mind switching at all.

After that meeting, we were back to Lihue for our marriage license and to pick up Ed’s tuxedo. The marriage license couldn’t have been easier – we had an appointment, and we were under 15 minutes from leaving the car to driving away again. It’s getting more real all the time!


After the errands were done, we picked up Kristina and headed out to Waimea Canyon on the west shore. We stopped at the black sand beach - where the Waimea River flows into the Pacific, bringing tons of red dirt with it - and at Jo-Jo’s for shave ice. We were glad we didn’t hold out for Wishing Well Shave Ice, as they were closed the following Saturday when we were in Hanalei, and we had built up big expectations for Kristina. Jo-Jo’s is a good stop either before or after the canyon, depending on what meal you are closest to.


We were glad to get back to the red dirt canyon we love, and to experience again the majesty of Kalalau Valley. After the trip to the Grand Canyon with Kristina in April, we weren't sure if she would be taken with Waimea or find it ho hum because of the smaller scale. We were delighted to see that she enjoyed this place as much as we did. (She especially liked the feral chickens roaming the island, and the nene.)


At the top, we took in Kalalau, while people came and went. We stood at the rail, we sat on the ground below the gated area, we walked briefly along the rim. We didn’t go prepared for a hike this time, although on a previous trip we hiked the ridge you see behind us and into the rainforest bog that covers the mountain top. The soft red dirt amazed us all over again.


The air is so pure and clean up there, you can see to the horizon, and not be sure where the sea stops and the sky begins. Breathing is an entirely new experience in such a place: clear, fresh, truly life-giving. We let all of our cares and worries dissolve in the breeze. No pictures have ever done the place justice – it is much bigger than the lens. Kristina did a great job, but these are only an idea, a fraction of the sight.


The trip back down the canyon is windy and close. Kristina was feeling quite green by the time we reached the bottom - the canyon is ten miles long, the road is twenty miles of curves. See the red dirt all over the road - it's in EVERYthing once you've been there.

At the bottom, we spilled out of the car onto the beach right there at the main road. Kristina flirted with the waves, getting wet, naturally, and we watched crabs dive in and out of their holes as the waves advanced up the shore. We had our first meal – but surely not our last – at Waimea Brewing Company. We were quite taken with the place – easy and relaxed, reasonable prices, great atmosphere, simple, wonderful food – just what we needed.

The restaurant/brewery shares a site with the Waimea Plantation Cottages. We walked out to the Banyan tree, and imagined our wedding there with the aisle of coconut palms. We had considered that as a site for our wedding when we were there in December, with everyone having their own cottages – but there was no good indoor backup, no AC in the cottages (and it is beastly hot there in July), and Waimea is a LONG drive from anywhere else on the island. Maybe we’ll do a family reunion there some time?

Back that evening to the Hyatt feeling relaxed and held by the island. We are ready for the wedding.


Then we sat on the edge of the earth, with our feet dangling over the side, and marveled that we had found each other.
~Erik Dillard

Mr and Mrs...

We did it! Here are the cliffsnotes:

We had our relaxed, delightful, achingly gorgeous, simple, sacred wedding, in the late afternoon sun on Kauai, surrounded by close friends and family. The wind blew, the sun shone, there were tears – yes, and laughter – much laughter. There were surprises throughout the day.

We moved the reception dinner, to an open-air terrace with a waterfall and pond at the edge, a pond inhabited by a pair of mated white swans. This site had always been our indoor backup and we decided earlier in the week to make the change from the garden venue.

On the Sunday, we left for our honeymoon. While it was a trek to get there, we enjoyed our stay on the tropical island of Mustique, surrounded by coral reefs and turquoise waters. We ate (too!) well, and came back tan and relaxed, reveling in our married-ness.

Now we are home, adjusting to much lower temperatures (30 degrees lower!), and carrying the glow of what we have done into our everyday lives. (Ed told our next-door neighbour that we will be newlyweds for at least a year.)

In the next while, I will post the story of our wedding time (with pictures!) and vignettes from our honeymoon. Right now, I am waiting on pictures from our various photographers. Once they arrive, look for the posts to be frequent and colourful.

The photo above is our program. We included this quote inside:

For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person – it is high inducement for these individuals to ripen, to become something in themselves, to become world, to become world in themselves for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on them, something that chooses them and calls them to vast distances.

From Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet (1934)

The quote on the vellum on the front:

Does the song of the Sea end at the shore
or in the hearts of those who listen to it?
~Kahlil Gibran

ahhhhhh...

We are here. Now. Finally. What a relief.

This is the view from our balcony. We are in a suite (they upgraded us because we are holding the wedding here as well) out at the farthest end of the farthest wing of the hotel. Which is perfect for us – we don’t mind the trek and we love the private feeling.

The last day before leaving for three weeks was the longest day in a long string of long days. And that’s okay, because we are here now.

Here.

The island has welcomed us with soft breeze, birdsong, warmth, fragrant air, strong surf, and the hospitality of the people – this feels like home. Each time we come here, we are one step closer to finding a way to live here for a while.

For now, we are thrilled to be here. Yes, that’s a theme.

Now.

For so long, this time was in the future. It has finally arrived, this fullness of embracing each other and our love, and sharing this with our circle of friends and family.

It’s likely to be quiet on the blog until after our honeymoon. We’ll share stories and pictures when we return in August.

Until then, we will be continuing our romance…

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

— e.e. cummings

unfolding

Nine more days until the wedding... Ed picked up our rings on Friday evening (they arrived a week early – yay!) I picked up my dress on Saturday, and yesterday I shipped it off to be sure it arrives at the hotel before we leave the Northwest. (I trust UPS more than I trust United.) Last night, we made our final picks for ceremony and reception music.

When we were in Batavia for Aaron and Jessie’s wedding, we were surprised to see them choosing music the night before. Surely, that wouldn’t be us. And yet, there we were – just four days before we fly out of here – listening to piece after piece of beautifully composed classical music, searching for the one that we most want to hear after the minister pronounces us husband and wife – a piece that would express the celebration we know we’ll feel. We found it.

Out of all the ideas we’ve had, the details we’ve managed, and the choices we’ve made, choosing music hasn’t taken priority until now. Something else about the wedding, or something else in life (such as sleep), seemed to take precedence on any given day. Now it’s one more thing crossed off the list. From the beginning, our list was much smaller than most, because we’re not doing many of the “traditional” things.

Still, for even a relatively simple wedding such as we are having, the details involved to put it on are significant. More than I realized. Some of that is the nature of a destination wedding – planning from a distance; some has to do with coordinating travel and lodging for most of 30 people. We have spent an enormous amount of the last year talking about, planning, and preparing for this one day.

This one day.

It will be a big day to be sure. An important day. One (of several) that we will share with our family and friends on Kauai. One (of many) that marks a transition point in our lives.

And we are mindful that it is a beginning day. We have lived as a family for over a year now, yet this day represents a transformation beyond the piece of paper. Our wedding day starts our marriage, continues our partnership, and provides a new frame for our romance.

We intend to laugh that day, maybe cry, embrace each other and each of you, enjoy a feast of celebration and be grateful. We will toast our great good fortune to have found each other, seen our potential together, and made our dreams come true. We will know our blessings and humbly share them with you.

…

People have asked how I can make time for the blog with all that has to be done. I am running around a bit this week (okay, a lot – cluck, cluck) and it is a little crazy getting ready to be gone for three weeks. But if I didn’t write I might explode – the writing grounds me, provides focus, and brings me back to why we are doing all of this. I thank all of you who have let me know that you are enjoying these posts. I’d write anyway, but it’s nice to know there is an appreciative audience.

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone gives you courage.
~ Lao Tzu

time apart

The first Christmas we spent together we actually spent apart. Ed and I already had plans to visit other people during that time. We exchanged gifts and kisses and wishes for safe travel and speedy return.

Before Ed left, I had something else to share with him. I started with, “This is not a gift.” The two hearts in the picture above are made of blue glass, from the same pour. They are part of each other in a sense.

The idea was for Ed to take a blue heart with him, as he carried my heart with him… and bring it back when we could be together in the way we wanted to be. The other heart stayed with me.

We have given our hearts into each other’s keeping so long ago, yet each of us must also keep and know our own heart for the relationship to stay strong and true.

Ed is a man’s man to be sure. He’s also a romantic. He kept that heart in his pocket every day for several years, pretty much until we moved into our house together. The heart lived in the same pocket as his cell phone (a tiny egg-shaped Samsung model). The heart was unchanged – the phone looked like it had been to war. I wish I had a picture of the poor beat-up phone to share here.

Now, in the golden light and warmth of summer, that winter night seems very far away. The tenderness we shared then is with us still, as are the blue hearts. The heart doesn’t live in Ed’s pocket so much anymore, but it hardly needs to, now that we get to start each day with good morning kisses and end each day holding hands.

…

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you

~from a song written by Gordon Lightfoot,
(recently recorded by Sarah McLachlan)

moon honey

So where is this honeymoon? Well, you had to know we didn’t take a straight line to get there, so here is the story. Almost every place we talked about involved an island or at least, a lot of water.

We considered Italy, but we thought we might want a relaxing vacation rather than an active, exploring vacation. And Ed didn’t want to pack up every few days to go to a new place.

We considered Australia or New Zealand, but it’s winter there. And I wanted a honeymoon in gloriously hot weather, where getting dressed would mean a swimsuit and a sarong most days.

We considered Ireland, but even in summer that wouldn’t be a warm-weather honeymoon, and we would want to explore a lot there too. Just not on this trip.

Then the Mountain Travel Sobek catalogue arrived – now there’s timing! The catalogue is a lush, heavy-paper tribute to world travel with adventure in mind, and features full-colour, gorgeous, inspiring photographs on every page. We found our spot. We’d go to the Galapagos and tour the islands aboard a tall ship. The dates lined up exactly with our plans.

Yes.

No. I mean, it could have been. We contacted them, and they had room for us. Late last November when we first talked with them about it, they had no reservations for that trip. We were getting ready to go on our December trip to Kauai, and decided to wait until we returned to finalize the details – first trip first and all that.

We returned to chaos in the Northwest – the storms that ripped through Puget Sound left our neighbourhood without power for a full week and many of our neighbours with trees in their houses. Power was restored just before Christmas, and it wasn’t until after the holidays that we thought about our honeymoon.

Uh oh, you’re saying. And you’d be right. Because MT Sobek had nobody booked for the trip, a private charter bought out the whole boat for that time slot. And as we are committed to having our honeymoon right after our wedding, it was time to come up with a new destination.

Then we figured that if we were going to be in Hawaii already, how about continuing west? We thought about Japan, Bali, Indonesia, and Thailand. All were vetoed.

How about the South Pacific – Bora Bora, Moorea, Huahine, and more? We could spend a week on each of two islands, or maybe spend a week on one, and a week on the Big Island of Hawaii on our way back, to break up our travel. Hmmm… there’s an idea.

But it turns out that the flights don’t go through Hawaii to get to the South Pacific any more. There is only one flight there from Honolulu each week on Saturday night, and one flight back on Sunday night. To fit our timing, we would have had to fly from Kauai back to LA in order to take a 14-hour flight to Tahiti and then an inter-island flight to our island of choice. Add that hotels on Bora Bora range from $800 to $3,000 a night, and it wasn’t looking like such a great spot to us. (Said Ed, “For $3,000 a night, I should bathe in gold, and I don’t even want to bathe in gold.”)

Okay, now where? Spin the globe? Back to MT Sobek. Well, there was an Arctic explorer trip that looked pretty exciting, and the dates fit, but that wasn’t going to be a comfortable trip in a bikini. Hmmm…

When Ed and I were planning our first holiday together, he sent me some links to look at. One he said wasn’t really the right place for that trip, but it looked cool, and he wanted me to check it out. It was for a place called Ladera, on St. Lucia in the Caribbean. The rooms are built into the side of a forested cliff, with only three walls each – the fourth wall is open to the mountain. The beds are draped with netting, and each room has a private stone walkway, a plunge pool and waterfall. I remember thinking at the time that this place had honeymoon written all over it.

So I asked Ed about it. He was excited – it was a place he’d always wanted to go, and it fit all the criteria we had: warm, exotic, relaxing, special, and more. I checked flights, and while they were long to go the Caribbean, no more so than our South Pacific trip would have been. He said, “Go ahead and book it.”

Except I couldn’t. They were full for all of our dates. Now what? Our friends Kirk and Heidi live on their sailboat, and have several times chartered boats to sail around the Caribbean. After their most recent trip, Heidi came back raving about their new favourite place. This had potential.

Heidi said she didn’t think the place would be right for our honeymoon – they like it because it’s very casual and relaxed (sounds good) and very yachty and filled with boaters having a good time (maybe not the right place after all).

Not to lose hope – Heidi and Kirk and their families have cruised around the islands and visited many places that would be great honeymoon spots. She put together a list complete with names of places, URL links, and mini-reviews saying why they liked each place. Wow! We had our own personal travel agent who had actually been to the islands and hotels, someone with taste we can trust.

So research-girl (yours truly) checked all of them – one stood out. We looked for flights – they lined up. We asked about availability – we had our choice of suites. So we pressed the GO button. Not quite like the EASY button, because this wasn’t quite that, but it’s good all the same.

We have a honeymoon!

After our wedding we’ll be heading to the Caribbean island of Mustique. Mustique is part of St. Vincent and the Grenadines, at the south end of the Windward Islands of the Lesser Antilles. Yes, we’ll be there during hurricane season; however, the island is so far south that they rarely see any effect from tropical storms. It’s basically just a stone’s throw from Venezuela. Okay, a large boulder. Thrown by Atlas.

We’ll be staying at the Cotton House “resort”. It’s made up of only 20 suites and rooms in several buildings on what was a cotton plantation in another era. We have the upper floor of a building at the furthest edge of the property from the main building, with our own veranda opening out to the Caribbean and a private plunge pool.

There are three restaurants on the island, two hotels (Firefly has just four rooms), and a small boutique or two. We are told that Mick Jagger has a house there, as do Elton John and several other notables. LeAnn Rimes has been known to show up to play piano at Firefly’s bar.

We hope they’ll leave us alone. It’s our honeymoon after all.

no news is good news

Except when it’s about your passport.

Things have been very quiet on the blog lately. That’s not for lack of things to say or to add. It’s more for lack of time and energy. In the last two weeks we’ve had 8th grade leaving ceremony, state championships for lacrosse, end-of-year parties for what seems like every possible reason, a 40th birthday, two trips to Canada, and now Kristina is off for a week of lacrosse camp at the U.

Oh, and we’re getting married in 11 days.

Back story: My passport expired in February. Passport Canada treats every passport as an entirely new passport application – there are no renewals per se. They actually prefer folks to let them expire and issue new ones – that’s not a rule, just their preference.

The application process includes sending originals of all proof of citizenship documents, including the birth certificate and any current passport. The government website indicated that passport processing time was 20 working days, so I was confident that my passport would arrive in plenty of time.

Current story: Ed usually calls me when he leaves work to let me know he’s on his way home as it’s not a regular or consistent time each day. We usually chat about our days while he drives home. On one of those days, I wanted to talk about potential honeymoon destinations.

Ed was concerned about potential passport delays, and um… encouraged me to get the application sent.

“Have you filed for your passport yet?”

“Uh… no.”

“Then we’re not talking about the honeymoon.” (I can tell he’s grinning as he says this.)

“Are you serious?!?!?” (I’m not grinning.)

Talk about motivation.

(This was before all the media attention to passport processing delays here and in Canada, but Ed is well ahead of the curve in his thinking.)

So, I filed for the passport in March – they signed for receipt of the application 28 March. Count 20 working days, I should have it by the end of April. And with everything else happening in life, I didn’t think much more about it, having done my part. However, by the end of May I was getting a bit antsy.

I went to the website for Passport Canada and the new “Service Delay” was reporting 50 working days to complete passport applications for Canadians living in the US. I thought this applied to new applications submitted at that point. Silly me.

If passports are still not received after the expected delivery time (for me, 20 working days), one can file a status request online (including in the request the tracking number for delivery).

I did that. Twice. Finally I received this response:

“Although we could have received your application, it has not been processed yet nor has a file been opened in your name. Passport Canada is experiencing a sharp volume increase in passport applications and therefore this step could now take up to 50 working days.

If you sent your passport application via courier or registered mail, we recommend that you communicate with the courier service provider in order to confirm that your passport application was delivered at Passport Canada.”

As the days ticked by (already more than 50) with no passport – and no acknowledgement from Passport Canada that they had even received the application – we became increasingly concerned about our (expensive and non-refundable) international honeymoon. Finally, after several other email, phone, and fax attempts to get information, I contacted the Ombudsman.

Every federal office in Canada has attached to it a third-party watchdog, called the Ombudsman, whose role is to look out for the ‘everyman’ and keep the little guy from getting screwed by the bureaucracy. I’m sure that’s not the exact wording of the job description, but I think it’s apt.

The Ombudsman has rules about how one has to make every good faith effort to achieve results at the first level. I did that. Initially they referred me back to the passport office for a status report. I was tearing my hair out at this point. I tried again. The second time they referred me to an actual person, with an actual name, and a direct phone line.

Hallelujah!

Only that didn’t get me a passport. At first all it got me was an argument about how they do not provide any guarantees, it doesn’t matter what the website says or doesn’t say, they don’t make any promises to get people their passports before they travel. Oh dear.

My only question was, “What can we do NOW to get me my passport before I travel?” Once she realized that my view was forward, she became very helpful and worked hard to locate my passport application. She had searchers on it – they knew it came in, and that it was pre-screened.

Then it was "sent to the 2nd floor” which apparently is government-speak for “we haven’t got a bloody clue”. It could have gone to any one of nine different files/departments/people/desks/buckets/rings of hell, and they were trying to figure out which one. We were in contact every other day, then daily, then several times a day as the calendar flew by.

Still no passport. By this time, I was starting to wonder if I should be heading up to Vancouver to do an in-person application, except that I no longer had my original birth certificate - a required document for a passport application.

At Ed’s suggestion – solution-oriented man that he is – I applied online for a replacement birth certificate. After paying for super-speedy processing and courier service, the new birth certificate (from the provincial department of vital statistics) arrived practically before I had walked out of my office. (Now why can’t the federal government work that fast??)

The woman at the passport office continued to recommend patience. Finally, a week ago Friday, she changed gears – I should head up to Vancouver to do an in-person application. At that point, the website said it would take two weeks to process a passport in person – the lady in Ottawa said they could do it faster.

Tina suggested I ask the Ottawa lady for a letter detailing my travails and the history of the case, so that the Vancouver folks would know that I had done my part already and I wasn’t a lazy slacker waiting until the last minute. Okay, Tina didn’t say I was a lazy slacker. But she had the right idea.

The Ottawa lady did one better – she emailed the Vancouver office and let them know I was coming, gave them enough information to start my file, and asked them to give me every assistance. I received a phone call from the Vancouver office the same day – the lady there was very apologetic for my troubles, and wanted to set up an appointment for me to have my application received. This was MUCH better than arriving at 5:30 am to get in line with the hope of being seen the same day (the plight most folks are resigned to).

So, two very long days of driving to Vancouver and back (about a three-hour drive each way) and four border crossings (fortunately made easier by the Nexus pass) during a week with two national holidays (Canada Day and Fourth of July) later, I now have my passport. And we can go on our international honeymoon.

And there was much rejoicing.

P.S. I had a phone message this weekend from Ottawa - they found my application, had a question for me, and if I would call their 1-800 number with the answer, they would see if they could get my passport to me before my travel date. ???

happy birthday

This is a quick post, to let you know that we celebrated Ed’s birthday today. These days, Ed is a man with precious little relaxin’ time. It seemed the right summer to give him an extra reason to kick back.

Ed went to work this morning. It’s been that kind of spring and summer. Of course, this was also the day of Kristina’s end-of-year lacrosse party, at Whirlyball. More on that, when I add to this post tomorrow.

But after the work, and after the party, Ed was formally presented with his hammock present (which we built while he was at work). He took to it like the proverbial duck to water, smiling, napping, reading, and most of all, relaxing.

It’s also Canada Day, north of the border, so we hope you all enjoy a delightful holiday weekend.

something in the water

Nearly two years ago, in August, we had a magnificent reason to celebrate. Ed and I were mid-stream on the remodel – we were at the stage that looks like total destruction, without quite reaching the point where we could start putting it all back together again – and we were ready for a break.

August in each of the previous two years had seen us heading for Kauai. (And if you are wondering why on earth we would head to Kauai in summer, when we can finally count on some nice weather in the Northwest, it has a lot to do with Kristina’s schedule.) Not 2005 – we had other plans.

Ed’s parents were to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Phyllis and Tom decided they wanted a small celebration, just immediate family and spouses, but that still meant 15 people at the farmhouse. Phyllis had lists going for weeks – a woman after my own heart – and hosted a wonderful weekend party.

We took pictures, ate well, played word and card games, walked and talked, listened to thunder, watched for deer (and skunk!), drove the tractor, played bocci and horseshoes, and laughed often. Phyllis even got out her wedding dress - it was lovely.

There was cake of course, and it was a tender moment for all of us gathered there to see Tom and Phyllis cut the cake… much as they must have done fifty years earlier, when none of us were more than a twinkle or a dream.

The thing I remember most is the laughter. And this picture.

Less than a year passed before the engagements started. First Ed proposed to me on Memorial Day weekend last year. Then Aaron, Debbie, and Brenda announced their engagements before the autumn. Ed warned them – in the nicest possible way – to stay away from July when choosing a date.

Our wedding will be the third one, with Brenda and Daniel exchanging their vows next June. It is a long, full season of celebration. Ed’s parents have been an inspiration to all of us – they sowed the seeds of family, respect, loving kindness, and belief in one another.

We must nurture what we have been given.

And as we lie beneath the stars,
We realize how small we are,
If they could love like you and me,
Imagine what the world could be

~Nickelback

why Kauai?

After our engagement, we spent a few months simply being engaged, enjoying the smiles, the joy, the peace of knowing what we share. With the autumn came the time to start our wedding planning in earnest.

We had long since established that we had a shared vision: something small and intimate, a celebration with our closest family and friends, the sound of laughter – our own and others’, something outside, in sight of water.

With the decision to be outside, we either needed to choose somewhere in the tropics or get married in the summer if it was a seasonal location.

Right away we decided not to get married in the Seattle/Bellevue area. While it is our home of choice, neither of us have family here, and we were concerned that the event would become simply a large party, taking away from the sacred reason for the celebration.

And haven’t we all been to enough weddings where we hardly know anybody, and we don’t get more than five minutes with the bride and groom? We wanted something different.

So, do we decide when or where first? The conversations really took place side by side. We wanted to give our long distance guests enough time to plan for the trip, so it wasn’t going to work to make it too soon. Making people fly during the winter or over the holidays didn’t seem kind either.

Okay, not holidays, not winter, not too soon. We also wanted to make it easy for the students and those with children to make the trip. That made it either spring break or summer. As spring break is not at the same time around the country, we looked at summer.

That looked awfully far away from last autumn.

Now – where? Many locations came up: Ireland, a ruined castle in Wales, Victoria BC, and others. We even thought of a barefoot ceremony in the redwood forest in Northern California. No water, you say? Have you ever been to the redwood forest? While there may be no large body of water, there are streams aplenty, and the mist is a constant presence, even in summer.

Ed’s mother has limited comfort with travel, and we hoped she and Ed’s father could be with us for the ceremony. Even though we didn’t want to get married in Pennsylvania, we were creative – we brainstormed sites in driving distance from the farm that might feel right for us.

We looked at Prince Edward Island (in maritime Canada) and old mansions in South Carolina. We even considered getting married on the Queen Elizabeth 2, during the crossing between New York and Southampton, England.

None of these was quite right.

Our first holiday together was in Kauai. Neither of us had been there before, and we had each heard that it was beautiful, quiet, private, relatively undeveloped, relaxed. That was an apt description for the vacation we needed at the time.

From the moment we landed, every sense lit up. The open walls of the airport let in the soft, fragrant tropical breeze, a warm scent that seems to permeate the whole island. Every arrival since has echoed that first one: once clear of baggage claim, we stop in our tracks, close our eyes, and inhale deeply. Oh, how we love Kauai!

Shortly before that first trip Ed bought an earlier edition of the Ultimate Kauai Guidebook, and we each spent time with it on the plane ride over. What a gift! The book helped us find many things we would have otherwise missed. We explored as much of the island as we could fit into a week, while also making time to relax and enjoy the easy way we have in each other’s company. We left with one certainty.

We would be back.

And we have been. Several times. Each trip we find new things to love about the island, and we visit again our favourite spots. We have not nearly run out of things to do there, or ways to relax and enjoy the special feeling the island inspires. This is a soul place for us. We often talk of finding a way to spend longer there – maybe we’ll move there to write our great novels.

Most of the places we considered for getting married had something about them that wasn’t quite right. We had thought of Kauai initially, but turned away from it as we knew it would be out of reach for Ed’s mother. As it became clear that traveling to any of the places on our short list would prove too difficult for Phyllis, we realized that we must choose the place that our hearts are drawn to.

Kauai.

Ahhhhh... There was great peace in that decision. And also sadness, as we knew it meant that Ed’s parents would not be joining us for the wedding. They will certainly be with us in spirit, and we know how happy they are for us.

That still left us with the need to pick a summer date. One Sunday last fall, waking up from a snooze, Ed said into the dim light of the room, “How about the seventh of July? Then it would be 7/7/07… and I would never forget our anniversary.” I could hear the grin in his voice, and he earned a thump for that one. At first I thought it was unbearably corny, but the idea grew on me, and I liked the pattern of it.

Apparently, so did a lot of other people. As we called around to check with photographers and other vendors, as well as potential sites for the ceremony and reception, we found that most of our choices were already long-since booked. We decided to move our date away from the press of the crowd, and looked a couple of weeks out.

The ceremony is set for the early evening of Friday 20 July. All of our guests will be on the island together for several days. We intend to enjoy plenty of time with each of them. And we hope that they will meet and enjoy each other also, so that by Friday evening, we will all be great friends.

Having our wedding in a place that has such significance for us feels right. We will return to the island again and again, and in doing so, we will remember our vows and those who witnessed them. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

photo FAQ

Which ones are your cake toppers?

Neither. We are not having cake toppers. Those were just images that worked for the post on wedding clothing. All of the other pictures in the blog were taken by Bridget. Except the pictures of Bridget and Ed, which were taken by Kristina with Bridget’s camera.


Who is the older lady?

Bridget’s Irish grandmother, Nana. Bridget is named for her grandmother, who was always called “Bride”. “Bride” was how the English heard the Gaelic pronunciation of Bridget, which is actually a little more like bree-id. When Bridget’s grandfather, a Canadian serviceman in England fighting with the Royal Air Force during WWII, was introduced to Bride, he said yes to that.


Where were the pictures taken?

The ocean waves were snapped at dawn from the beach in front of the Hyatt. Looking south, there are points on either side that frame a small bay. The surf was crashing over the lower point to the west. To the east, there is a much higher point that blocks the sun rising over the horizon. To see true sunrise, you have to go out on the point at dawn.

The silhouette picture of palm trees in the reception post was taken at the Hyatt also. There is a 5-acre salt water lagoon that meanders between the hotel and the beach. Some of the lagoon is available for swimming and kayaking, with a “beach” of harsh “sand” to rough up your pedicure. The rest has bridges over and paths beside with landscaped gardens around. This shot was taken a little before sunset. (The ocean beach has much nicer sand.)

The restaurant post has a picture taken through the girders of the Hanalei Bridge, the first of the one-lane bridges as you head north on the island. This bridge is just before Hanalei, the others are all after, on the way to Ke’e Beach. Bridge protocol on the island requires that you stop and check for oncoming traffic. If it is clear for you to go, head on over - all cars from one direction go until it is clear for the other side. There would be huge bottlenecks if the cars took turns and went one at a time from each side. The island way is more efficient.

The palm trees and hammocks are on the beach at the Princeville Hotel at the north end of the island. They were rarely unoccupied, but I went on a photo safari early one morning. The only other person out at that time of day was the guy on the sand-zamboni – an ATV with a huge rake behind it – combing the sand (partly for aesthetics, partly for safety). From the beach, you can see in the background some of the lush, dramatic ridges that form the bays of the north shore, our favourite part of the island.

The view up into the palm trees – in this post – was from one of the hammocks on the beach at the Princeville – a pretty sweet spot. All of the beaches on Kauai are public property, but if you have to cross private property to access the ‘public’ beach, it changes the dynamic. Fortunately, there are plenty of superb public access beaches, all around the island.

one month from today

Are you excited?

People have asked this question since we first announced our engagement. At first, we were unpacking and adjusting and finishing the remodel. That took the summer and early autumn.

Then, when we started planning the wedding, the date seemed so far away as to be a little unreal. The details involved in putting together a wedding at such a distance took their own focus. Follow that with our stormy winter and the spring we have had, and we are plum wore out.

Still, are you excited?

Why, yes!

Maybe it was choosing our rings. Maybe it was finally (unexpectedly) finding the right dress and knowing it. Maybe it was the return of the sunshine to the Northwest. Maybe it’s just the turning of the calendar.

The wedding is right around the corner, and suddenly seems very real. We are exhausted and counting on those first few days on our own to relax and regenerate a little. The island is a soothing and healing place for us – it is a soul-home, and we are eager to return to its embrace.

We’re getting married – in one of our favourite places, surrounded by many of our favourite people – to each other. Excited? Yes!

And grateful every day for the blessing of finding each other. Dreams do come true.

"For all that has been, thanks.
For all that will be, yes.”

~Dag Hammarskjöld

with this ring

We chose our wedding rings last weekend.

Actually, we kind of chose each other’s.

Perhaps I should back up.

Before Ed proposed he spent time looking at diamonds and rings. He had been thinking about this for a while and chose the stone first – an Asscher-cut diamond. He then chose a simple, classic ring setting, so that he could propose with a ring in hand; he figured we could go together, and I could choose the setting that suited me.

The thing of it was… that simple, classic setting suited me. We did go to the jewelry store, and I was completely overwhelmed by the choices. The salesman saw my difficulty – he suggested that we sit down, asked me about my style and preferences, and then brought over a few rings at a time for me to try.

And they were lovely – each and every one. I had worn the ring Ed first gave me for a couple of days at that point, and while I was nowhere near “used to” it, I liked how it looked on my hand, with its clean lines. (Okay, I could hardly stop looking at it on my hand, and he loved the perma-grin that went with that.)

Each time I tried a ring on, I would admire what was nice about it, and then put the ring that Ed had given me back on my hand. It quickly became clear that he had chosen the ideal setting – ideal for how it complemented the diamond he chose, and ideal for how it suited me and my hand.

At the time, I also tried on wedding bands with the different ring settings. The salesman pointed out that while I would wear the engagement ring for the rest of my life, I would wear it alone for a short time only. It helped to see the ring with different size and shape wedding bands – the choice of engagement ring setting became even clearer when I saw it with the wedding bands.

Which brings us to looking at wedding rings last weekend.

Well, almost. In February, before we went to Aaron and Jessica’s wedding, I went into the jewelry store to have my ring polished and steam-cleaned. We would be seeing Ed’s family for the first time since we were engaged, and we wanted the ring to look its best.

While I waited for the ring, I wandered around, looking at the display cases of wedding bands. And then I saw it. There was a striking display of unusual rings, designed and made using an ancient Japanese technique for forging swords. I was intrigued. Then my ring came back to me, all sparkling and clean, and I left the store. I didn’t think much more about wedding bands for several months.

Until last weekend, really. I had always kind of pictured that we would have matching platinum bands. Obviously not exactly matching – our hands are very different in size and shape, and the exact same ring would have looked silly on one of us.

Given that I had tried on bands already, I felt pretty close to knowing what I wanted: something simple, with clean lines – plain, even. I didn't want a wedding band with gems in it – if Ed and I travel to any sketchy parts of the world, I want to be able to leave the diamond ring behind and still wear the wedding band without worry.

In the store, I had a peek around at all the offerings (not so overwhelmed now). I pointed out to Ed the unusual rings I mentioned earlier, and then we asked to see the tray of simple bands. (They don’t seem to put much emphasis on displaying those.)

I tried a few bands, in different widths and different shapes; I kept coming back to a narrow band that echoed the narrow band of the engagement ring. When I first put it on, Ed said, “That’s the one.” And it was. He says it perfectly complements my long graceful fingers.

I love the way he sees me.

Time for Ed’s ring. He’d already been scoping things out. He also preferred a simple band with no gems, but where I thought he might be drawn to a plain platinum band, he was looking at rings with more detail: some with hammered surfaces, some with a rim or rail at each edge. He wanted something distinctive. He tried on a few, narrowed it down to a couple, but there wasn’t a standout choice.

In the interest of giving him some space, I wandered along the display cases, and again came across the rings forged sword-style. Ed joined me, agreed that they were striking, and then prepared to move on. I asked him to just try one.

“Humour me,” I said. “Please.”

Wow. When something is right, it’s right. None of the rings Ed had tried on were large enough to make it fully onto his ring finger, but still. When he tried this one on, it sang – the colours, the waves, the design in the ring. The band itself is simple and elegant in shape; yet, the way the metals are forged together, it seems to be alive, dancing with light.

He thought about it some, and decided it was right. And the name of the ring design: Norwegian Deep. For any of you who have heard Ed describe his experience of Norway’s fiords, you’ll know this seems a wonderful synchronicity.

Ed’s ring will take time to create. They will both be here before it’s time to leave for Kauai. Some of you have been surprised that we waited so long to choose our rings. We were neither rushing nor delaying – we had just not got to it yet. It’s been a very full spring.

And the biggest, most important choice was made long ago.

Anam Cara

Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath.
~ Eve Glicksman


"Is colainn gan cheann duine gan anam cara"
~ St. Brigid

In English: A person without a Soul Friend is like a body without a head. Yes, it sounds lovely (more lovely? lovelier?) in the Gaelic, but a translation seemed in order. Gaelic was Nana's first language, and is still spoken on Bere Island, her birthplace - off the southwest coast of Ireland, in County Cork.


Anam Cara defined:

Anam is the Gaelic word for soul, and Cara is the word for friend.

According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines all around the body like a luminous cloud. When you are very open, appreciative, and trusting with another person, your two souls flow together.

This deeply felt bond with another person means you have found your Anam Cara, or "soul friend."


Anam Cara.

restaurants on Kauai

When we sent the guide book with the invitations, we wanted to help folks with planning, and also give a sense of the island. Still, food is so very personal – we don’t love everything the reviewers do, and we’ve had great experiences where they’ve been unimpressed. You’ll find your own way. Here are some of our favourites (and some duds). Check the guide book for prices and addresses.

Tidepools at the Hyatt: we love it – we went twice in our one-week trip last December. We will be hosting a dinner there with our friends the night before the wedding; we recommend it completely.
(scroll down the page to find Tidepools info)

Gaylord’s: truly romantic – great atmosphere, wonderful service, superb food; ambiance includes old trains and horse-drawn carriages – we thoroughly enjoyed this place. It’s on the main highway coming out of Lihue, before you turn down to Poipu.

Puka Dogs (pronounced poo-kah): yes, this is a hot dog joint – they have huge gourmet dogs, both meaty and vegetarian, with outrageous sauces (try the mango or the hot mustard) and the best lemonade to balance the flavours. It’s walking distance from the Hyatt, but you may want to drive in the heat.

Kauai Coffee: this is a coffee plantation, with an old-style plantation building, serving coffee and treats (best iced mochas around!) They also have a gift shop that’s actually worth a look, and historical information about coffee on Kauai.

Zelo’s in Hanalei: this is one of our favourite restaurants on the island – we went there on our first trip and have been back nearly every time. They have the best fish & chips ever – made with ono (a dense variety of white fish), and humongous salads. When we were there in December, we traveled to the North Shore, anticipating fried ono all day long, only to find that they were closed for renovations. Darn! There are other great places to go in Hanalei, but when you are counting on Zelo’s, it’s just not the same. This trip, we plan on lunch at Zelo’s when we take our families to the North Shore the day after the wedding.
(I can’t seem to find a working link for this one – it’s in the guide book though, and you trust us, right?)

Tropical Taco in Hanalei: we discovered this one day when Zelo’s had too long a wait for us to eat there again in the same trip. The food here is excellent and fast, the environment is surfer casual, and it is way easy on the pocketbook. As I read in one review: you can have anything you want to drink, as long as it’s lemonade. Worth a trip!

Waimea Brewing Company: this is in the “town” of Waimea, on the west side of the island, just before you run out of road at the military installation. This is near the turnoff to go up to Waimea Canyon. In July, this is going to be a very hot part of the island – we recommend a morning trip to Waimea Canyon and the overlook at Kalalau Valley, then stop in at Waimea Brewing Company for lunch on your way back. We haven’t tried it yet, but it looked good when we visited in December, and we plan to check it out this trip.

La Cascata at the Princeville Hotel: the Princeville is a European-style hotel, set in tropical paradise – it feels very grand when you first enter the lobby. La Cascata is a phenomenal Italian restaurant, overlooking Hanalei Bay, with the cliffs rising opposite. The service is top-notch, the food is superb, and the view is without compare. This is a treat.

The Living Room at the Princeville Hotel: this is an open lounge on the main lobby level, with floor-to-ceiling windows showcasing the same spectacular view as La Cascata. They have low-key entertainment several nights a week, a dessert buffet on (I think) Saturday nights, and a wide variety of drinks, snacks, appetizers, sushi etc. It’s still spendy (this is the Princeville), but a more casual way to enjoy the view and ambiance – there is also a terrace outside.

Polynesia Café in Hanalei: this natural-foods restaurant in Hanalei has a granola-head feel to it, with surf board décor. The food is fresh, fast, and tasty, all made on site with love. If you are up for the zing, their ginger lemonade will both fire up and cool down your day – they make it zippy. (It looks as if they have opened up another one in Kapa’a, but it’s hard to imagine that one working as well as the Hanalei site. Maybe.)

Papaya’s Natural Foods in Kapa’a: this is at the back of a shopping plaza. It's a great source for alternative items, plus they have treats from Icing on the Cake (our wedding cake baker) which is just around the corner. There is also a new, smaller, Papaya's store in Hanalei serving the North Shore.

Wishing Well Shave Ice in Hanalei: shave ice served out of a green van on the right as you head north into Hanalei, in the same parking lot as Kayak Kauai. This is a pretty colourful experience, and you should do it at least once, although I would skip the ice cream with the shave ice – it is entirely redundant and your cheeks just may melt off with the sugar if you do it all at once.
(these are relaxed hippies in a green van – no website)

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly."
~M.F.K. Fisher

Cautionary Notes:

Dondero’s at the Hyatt: great food, but hardly any view and the service does not match the Hyatt or prices – we were not impressed, and won’t go back, especially when the Hyatt has Tidepools.

Beach House in Poipu: beautiful sunset view, pissy service, good food, lackluster service, gets lots of press, (did I say crappy service?), we think it’s more than a little overrated, especially for the price.

Hamura’s Saimin Stand in Lihue: the guide book gives this an “ono” and we have no idea why – at least now they admit it’s dumpy. This place is a dive, the food was salty rather than tasty, and the service was surly at best. We can’t recommend it – as above, not all reviewers agree. ;-)


This is a start. The guide book now has more reviews than earlier editions, and many have changed since our first trip to the island. We may be out exploring too: we want to try Scotty’s Beachside BBQ in Kapa’a and the Korean BBQ in Wailua. We’ve tried to go to Shipwreck Subs & Ice Cream in Kalaheo, but they’ve always been closed. Or maybe they just look closed – this is a shack, overgrown by bushes, threatening to fall over – but I’ll try again for the chance to try the mythic awesome ice cream from the Big Island.

how we dance...

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love

Let me see your beauty
when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving
like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only
know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now
dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and
dance me very long
We’re both of us beneath our love
we’re both of us above
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children
who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains
that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now
though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I’m gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand
touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love

~Leonard Cohen (Canadian poet)

from this book with art by Henri Matisse

what to expect at our reception

There will be no dancing.

Okay, you can dance.

What we mean is, there will be no planned music: no DJ, no band, no speaker set-up.

What you will hear: the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand, the wind whispering in the palm trees, the tiki torches fluttering in the breeze, and – we hope – the laughter and conversation of our friends and family celebrating the joy of the evening and each other’s company.

Oh, and the groans of pleasure when people eat the cake. No, really. This is not like ‘regular’ cake. This is not even like regular wedding cake. Oh my. This is knee-weakening stuff.

The dinner buffet will be a traditional luau menu with some additions and tweaks of our own, to make it ours and to please our palates.

Except for the poi.

We’re not wild about poi, but it is authentic and traditional, so we’re leaving it there. You be the judge.

"It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others.

So it happens that when I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and warmth and the love of it and the hunger for it; and then the warmth and richness and fine reality of hunger satisfied; and it is all one."
— M.F.K. Fisher

There will be a full bar, with our signature cocktail: the Red Dirt Margarita. We discovered this on our December trip, and it is the best drink ever. We have no idea what the mixture is on the rim, but it is salty, sweet, unusual, and a little gritty. We don’t need to know, because it tastes great. We hope you’ll like it too.

With all these libations, we anticipate there may be some interesting toasting. Oh wait, that’s one of the things attendants do. And there aren’t any attendants. But we know our friends are talkative, and our families like to tell stories. So, there will be champagne for toasting.

Get your speeches ready…

By 10:00 pm, the Hyatt will be kicking us off the beach, as quiet hours must be observed. If you are partied out by that point, we’ll bid you good night. For those who may wish to continue celebrating, Stephenson’s Library (the lounge off the main lobby area), will be open until 11:45 pm. Will Ed and Bridget be there?

That remains to be seen.

no icky bridemaid dresses

Kristina has a cute rhinestone-studded top that says “bridesmaid” in honour of the fact that she will be the one to fuss with my dress if it needs any fussing (and it’s not a fussy dress).

Other than that, we are keeping things simple: we are not having any attendants – no maid of honour, no best man, no passel of identically dressed friends groaning about bad dresses or matching shoes or tuxes.

What are the other jobs attendants do?

All but one of our guests are coming from out of state (and Bridget’s family from out of the county), so we haven’t done the whole shower/stag party thing. (Whew!)

We figure we can keep track of the rings. We won’t be leaving in a car, so no need for tin cans and such. We need two people to witness our marriage certificate: we’ve asked the couple who introduced us to fill that role and they’ve said yes.

So, great sigh of relief, friends and sisters, you’ll not be asked to wear matching dresses and carry bouquets. Menfolk of our friends and family, you won’t be showing people to their chairs. Really, there are fewer than 30 guests – we think folks can find their own seats.

And yes, there will be chairs. I know we talked early on about having the wedding on the beach, but the logistics of making people stand around, or wobble in chairs in the sand, didn’t sound comfortable to us. So we chose the garden overlooking the beach with the ocean crashing in down below. There is a gazebo structure, and the chairs will be arranged in front of that.

But again, it will be simple. We won’t be at the ceremony all that long, so there will be no tulle on the chairs, no flowers to wilt or trample. Kauai in general, and the Hyatt in particular, are filled with gardens and flowers – no need to cut them down and pin their tormented bodies to chairs.

After the ceremony, we will take a few pictures with our families, and maybe a group shot with everyone. Then Ed and Bridget (with Kristina in tow to straighten the dress) will go off to take wedding pictures around the gardens and on the beach.

Our guests will have drinks and snacks to tide them over while they wait. Yummy snacks. (In fact, they look so yummy, we have asked for own plate of snacks to take with us.)

After that, we will all meet at the reception site, ready to celebrate together. And what a celebration! We’ll be married… and ready to share our first meal with the family and friends gathered around us.

We’ll also be holding close those who couldn’t make it to Kauai for the trip, and remembering those who are with us only in spirit.

So, how formal is this shindig?

Clearly, the “clothes” post didn’t give enough information.

Early in our planning, we talked about what we would wear. At that point, there were two parts of the planning that were most important to me: the dress and the invitations. Of course, it all matters, it’s just that these were the parts I felt the most creatively invested in, the parts I thought would be most personally reflective.

Then, we had yet to talk about the ceremony. Now, I believe that the ceremony we create and the vows we share will be the most meaningful, tender, and memorable part of the day for us – that is the sacred part of what guides us, and the reason for all of this.

Still, I knew I wanted to wear a fabulous dress for that ceremony. After the first day of dress shopping, Ed asked how fancy he was going to have to go. I told him he could wear exactly what he wanted – it’s his wedding too and he should be comfortable (relaxed was the first word on our list).

And even though I hadn’t found it yet and I had NO idea what it would look like, (and wouldn’t for some time), I knew I was going to wear a fabulous dress. Achingly gorgeous. (In case you wondered, that was Ed’s poetic turn-of-phrase.)

I figured Ed might wear something like khakis and a white shirt, or some variation on that, maybe even linen shorts. As long as he was comfortable, I was fine with it. And we really didn’t talk much about what he would wear after that initial conversation.

Well, there was the dress to talk about.

The man has the patience of a saint – a saint I tell you.

Time passes. One Sunday afternoon, we are cuddled on the couch, enjoying the quiet of the house, my head on his shoulder, and he rumbles into the silence… “I think I’ll wear a tux.”

A tux?

Stunned and amazed just doesn’t cover it. I didn’t even know what to say. (That’s rare.) It took me a couple of days to ask him about it. Sure enough, he is going to wear a tuxedo. And I can’t wait to see him in it. As I won’t let him see the dress beforehand, I’m not to come with him when they size and fit the tux. Just on principle.

We are dressing up because it is our wedding. Getting married is significant – we want to bring a certain reverence and attention to what we are doing, and dressing carefully and consciously will help us do that.

And as always, we are thinking about the pictures of the day. We see pictures everywhere – we can’t help it, we’re photographers– and we chose the Hyatt in part because of the surrounding grounds where we will go to take our wedding pictures. We decided to dress more formally, in part for those photographs.

And we meant what we said before: Please wear what you are comfortable in, what feels appropriate to the day. And to the place – we will be in the tropics in summer.




Assuming the weather co-operates (and we hold that it will) the ceremony will be in a garden overlooking the ocean – late afternoon, in the shade. There will definitely still be heat in the day. There will be a light breeze, as mentioned before.

The reception dinner will start right around sunset, in a beach front garden. Both gardens have dense grass lawn. When we were there in December, I found that I could wear heels on the grass, but I had to be careful. For the wedding, I will wear heels part of the day, and I will go barefoot part of the day.

Hopefully, that helps you to choose, or to be comfortable with your choice. Let us know if you have any more questions. We want you free to relax and celebrate with us.