with this ring

We chose our wedding rings last weekend.

Actually, we kind of chose each other’s.

Perhaps I should back up.

Before Ed proposed he spent time looking at diamonds and rings. He had been thinking about this for a while and chose the stone first – an Asscher-cut diamond. He then chose a simple, classic ring setting, so that he could propose with a ring in hand; he figured we could go together, and I could choose the setting that suited me.

The thing of it was… that simple, classic setting suited me. We did go to the jewelry store, and I was completely overwhelmed by the choices. The salesman saw my difficulty – he suggested that we sit down, asked me about my style and preferences, and then brought over a few rings at a time for me to try.

And they were lovely – each and every one. I had worn the ring Ed first gave me for a couple of days at that point, and while I was nowhere near “used to” it, I liked how it looked on my hand, with its clean lines. (Okay, I could hardly stop looking at it on my hand, and he loved the perma-grin that went with that.)

Each time I tried a ring on, I would admire what was nice about it, and then put the ring that Ed had given me back on my hand. It quickly became clear that he had chosen the ideal setting – ideal for how it complemented the diamond he chose, and ideal for how it suited me and my hand.

At the time, I also tried on wedding bands with the different ring settings. The salesman pointed out that while I would wear the engagement ring for the rest of my life, I would wear it alone for a short time only. It helped to see the ring with different size and shape wedding bands – the choice of engagement ring setting became even clearer when I saw it with the wedding bands.

Which brings us to looking at wedding rings last weekend.

Well, almost. In February, before we went to Aaron and Jessica’s wedding, I went into the jewelry store to have my ring polished and steam-cleaned. We would be seeing Ed’s family for the first time since we were engaged, and we wanted the ring to look its best.

While I waited for the ring, I wandered around, looking at the display cases of wedding bands. And then I saw it. There was a striking display of unusual rings, designed and made using an ancient Japanese technique for forging swords. I was intrigued. Then my ring came back to me, all sparkling and clean, and I left the store. I didn’t think much more about wedding bands for several months.

Until last weekend, really. I had always kind of pictured that we would have matching platinum bands. Obviously not exactly matching – our hands are very different in size and shape, and the exact same ring would have looked silly on one of us.

Given that I had tried on bands already, I felt pretty close to knowing what I wanted: something simple, with clean lines – plain, even. I didn't want a wedding band with gems in it – if Ed and I travel to any sketchy parts of the world, I want to be able to leave the diamond ring behind and still wear the wedding band without worry.

In the store, I had a peek around at all the offerings (not so overwhelmed now). I pointed out to Ed the unusual rings I mentioned earlier, and then we asked to see the tray of simple bands. (They don’t seem to put much emphasis on displaying those.)

I tried a few bands, in different widths and different shapes; I kept coming back to a narrow band that echoed the narrow band of the engagement ring. When I first put it on, Ed said, “That’s the one.” And it was. He says it perfectly complements my long graceful fingers.

I love the way he sees me.

Time for Ed’s ring. He’d already been scoping things out. He also preferred a simple band with no gems, but where I thought he might be drawn to a plain platinum band, he was looking at rings with more detail: some with hammered surfaces, some with a rim or rail at each edge. He wanted something distinctive. He tried on a few, narrowed it down to a couple, but there wasn’t a standout choice.

In the interest of giving him some space, I wandered along the display cases, and again came across the rings forged sword-style. Ed joined me, agreed that they were striking, and then prepared to move on. I asked him to just try one.

“Humour me,” I said. “Please.”

Wow. When something is right, it’s right. None of the rings Ed had tried on were large enough to make it fully onto his ring finger, but still. When he tried this one on, it sang – the colours, the waves, the design in the ring. The band itself is simple and elegant in shape; yet, the way the metals are forged together, it seems to be alive, dancing with light.

He thought about it some, and decided it was right. And the name of the ring design: Norwegian Deep. For any of you who have heard Ed describe his experience of Norway’s fiords, you’ll know this seems a wonderful synchronicity.

Ed’s ring will take time to create. They will both be here before it’s time to leave for Kauai. Some of you have been surprised that we waited so long to choose our rings. We were neither rushing nor delaying – we had just not got to it yet. It’s been a very full spring.

And the biggest, most important choice was made long ago.